Life Lessons from Dungeons and Dragons

Last Friday I wrote about the challenge I have in writing LGBT antagonists.  On the one hand I said that I like to write fiction with which the readers can identify.  It’s unfortunately extremely easy for LGBT readers to identify with LGBT characters whose stories show a struggle with the “traditional” mentality of the non-LGBT majority.  IN my writing the LGBT character/community is the hero going up against institutionalized ignorance and homophobia in families, religious communities, schools, and politics.

On the other hand I confess that there is a danger in always setting up a story with this formula.  Even though I still believe that this particular formula makes it easy for LGBT people to see themselves in the story and identify with the characters because they share a common struggle, I also have to acknowledge that the world isn’t as black and white as we sometimes make it out to be.  Not all non-LGBT people and institutions are bad guys (obviously) and not all LGBT people are heroes. 

I’ve been chewing on this idea since I posted that 500 word essay last week.  I’ve come to the conclusion that, though I’m obviously well intentioned, I’m feeding the beast that is one of our society’s most challenging problems:  Oversimplification leading to polarization.

In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry is complaining to Sirius Black about the new teacher, Professor Umbridge.  He clearly believes Umbridge could be a Death Eater, the bad guys who support He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  In response Sirius observes, “…the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters.  We’ve all got both light and dark inside us.  What matters is the part we choose to act on.  That’s who we really are.”  I think this also becomes part of the answer to the recurring question of, “If all the bad guys come from Slytherin, why not just kick them out?”  Because it’s not that simple. Look at Snape, one of the best literary characters of all time. 

What stings a little as I come to terms with this oversight on my part is this.  You would think that someone with a background in counseling and psychology, who is a fierce advocate for the appreciation of any individual’s story rather than summarily dismissing or categorizing the individual based on my limited understanding of their story—you would think I would know better.  You would think that I would be more aware of the “shades of gray” when it comes to individual morality and personality types.  To truly understand an individual’s motivation we need to hear their story and, after hearing their story, we will very rarely ever find that the individual does what they do because they describe themselves as “evil.”

Here’s a great example.  Last night the season six finale of The Walking Dead aired and it shocked fans.  I mean, Alfred Hitchcock once said, “Always let your audience suffer as long as possible.”  Well, The Walking Dead takes Mr. Hitchcock’s advice to the next level.  Last night we were introduced to the new antagonist, a guy by the name of Negan, and by the end of the episode all we know is that Negan has killed one of our heroes.  We don’t know who.  All we know is that we now hate Negan. 

After new episodes of The Walking Dead, there’s always a show in which actors, creators, and fans sit down and process what they’ve just seen.  It really is a massive group therapy session.  Last night was the creator of the show, a producer, and the guy who plays Negan along with someone who might be our dead character (because we won’t know who died until the new season airs later this year).  As the audience in the studio and at home was processing the loss of a character and their hatred of Negan, I think it was the creator of the show that said, “Look, if we would have started from day one with Negan instead of Rick (our main hero) and followed his story instead of Rick’s story, you would understand Negan’s motivations better and sympathize with Negan and think it’s Rick who’s the out of control psychopath.”  This assessment was spot-on.  The audience’s estimation of the “evilness” of Negan rests solely on the fact that we know Rick’s story and not Negan’s.  Negan’s not “evil.”  Negan is trying his best to establish order in chaos.  And it’s obviously working because no one has taken him out yet.  You see?

In our post 9/11/01 world it’s a difficult truth to accept because we have been so conditioned by politicians and the media to paint with a broad brush when we use the word “terrorist.”  However, this is another perfect example of the fact that people are not motivated by “evil.”  One person’s terrorist is another person’s freedom fighter.  Over Easter weekend there was a terrorist attack in Pakistan.  It’s easy to dismiss the perpetrators of the act as “evil” but it doesn’t solve the problem.  I’m not an apologist for heinous activity, but I do know that if we took the time to understand why people keep blowing themselves up in their effort to blow up as many other people as possible, we’d be further along to ending this so-called war on terror.  Certainly much further than using “advanced interrogation techniques.” 

And the thing is, when it comes to my writing, I’ve written stuff that is more nuanced when it comes to morality and ethics.  I’ve just never done it my LGBT young adult stuff.  I suppose that’s because, going back to my first assertion, I want to write things that readers can easily see themselves in.  I’ve said it before:  I try to write the kind of story that I really wish I could have read when I was growing up. 

So, setting aside real life for a while (which is what writing is all about for me), let me briefly explain how I normally develop characters.

It’s a process, character development, and it’s usually never done.  I joked a few weeks ago that in my current book the characters weren’t cooperating.  Sometimes it’s like, “You think you know me?  Well, just because you’re the one at the computer coming up with this crap doesn’t mean you know what I’m going to say and do.”  And it’s true!  Sometimes I’ll be clipping along in a story and BAM!  I’m completely sidelined by a comment or a reaction from a character.  When I start the story I obviously sketch out histories and goals and motivations; these end up being parameters for the character.  For example, in These are the Days, Caleb is extremely motivated to be honest about everything.  It’s one of the things he values the most.  So when it comes to dating Tyler, who hasn’t come out yet and is actually “in a relationship” with one of Caleb’s female friends, it causes Caleb a considerable amount of stress.  It would never be in Caleb’s character to turn a blind eye to something he thought was deceitful.  Honesty is a boundary Caleb won’t cross.  So, I set the boundaries but as I get to know the characters in the first and second and all the way through to the final drafts, they characters themselves fill in the space between the boundaries.  It’s how I work.

In planning those boundaries, I go back to something really simple.  It’s about the only thing I ever learned by heart from my attempts at playing Dungeons and Dragons.  Character alignment. 

I like this image because it gives fictional examples as well as real life examples as it describes one of the nine basic alignments as seen through Dungeons and Dragons.  There are other ways of doing this, identifying character traits, beliefs, and motivations which ultimately lead to the character’s position on the “good vs. evil” spectrum.  You can even go so far as to tap into psychological theories like Bowen’s Family System’s Theory to understand the fictional people you’re creating or even the very real people in your life—not so that you can pigeon hole them but so that you know how to both approach them and protect yourself.  Basically, so you know to get along with them. 

I think the most important thing to remember, though, is that charts like this are objective.  Hitler wouldn’t describe himself as “evil.”  Gandhi wouldn’t describe himself as “good.”  These are external estimations applied to an individual.  Again, if you really want to understand a person’s morality, you need to talk to them and listen to their story. 

Here’s another way to look at it.  When you study ethics, you will learn that an individual who behaves in what appears to be the most unethical way may actually be a very ethical person.  Ethics is the branch of philosophy that involves systematizing, defending, and recommending concepts of right and wrong.  Going back to Hitler, most of the world would agree that he was immoral or even amoral, his actions unethical.  To Hitler, he had systematized and was obviously able to defend his beliefs and actions, thus creating them, in his mind and in the minds of his followers, as perfectly ethical.  It goes back to the same truth:  In order to understand a person, you have to hear their story.  We don’t do this anymore in our world.  It’s just easier to dismiss people with whom we disagree or who we need to be enemies as “evil.” 

And that brings me back to where I started.  Maybe by setting up my young adult fiction according to the simplified formula of “hero vs. anti-hero” I’m contributing to a mentality that is crippling our society.  It makes for nice, clean story telling that doesn’t drag out with loads of exposition to reveal internal dialogues and motives.  There’s a challenge here I need to explore more.  It’s something I’ve done in other writing but it is a more complex way of writing.

But maybe that’s the ultimate lesson in this.  Maybe I’m underestimating the intelligence of my readers. 

The bottom line is this:  It’s easy to say, particularly in our present election cycle, that this candidate or that party is the physical embodiment of evil.  I may not always agree with certain politicians, religious leaders, high profile actors, etc., but I don’t think any of them are “evil.”  I might think of them as uninformed and ignorant, their ideas and positions as aberrant and abhorrent, and their policies as regressive but I don’t think any of them are actually evil.  This means I have to take the time to understand them, why they say the things they say and why they do the things they do. 

I’m pretty sure I’m a better person for the effort.  

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The Fosters and Faith

Have you watched The Fosters?

It is a family oriented show for modern families which debuted on what was ABCFamily in 2013.  It’s now one of the flagship series for Freeform, the latest incarnation of what started as the Family Channel back in cable’s hayday.

I remember the buzz about it.  I hadn’t looked into it too much.  But because I knew a lot of people connected with the foster system I thought I would check it out.  So, picture it:  The premiere episode.  We meet a lesbian couple—a white cop and a biracial educator from a charter school—Brandon, the biological son of the cop, who, by the way, is still working with her ex-husband, the father of her child, on the police force, and the couple’s two adopted Latino children. Jesus and Mariana.  Then we meet Callie, a child they literally rescue from the absurdity of a foster system that has grown so large and so underfunded.  Eventually we meet Callie’s brother, Jude, who falls in love with one of his athletic classmates at the charter school and begins to identify as gay. 

Like I said:  A family oriented show for modern families. 

It was a dynamic premise for a forty something minute TV series.  There was always something going on relationship-wise with the kids, parenting-wise for Steff and Lena (the couple who have taken responsibility for this brood), and identity-wise for everyone.  The show has dealt with topics such as racism, addiction, sexuality, faithfulness, healthy boundaries, mental health, cancer, and…religion.

This poor family has dealt with more in three years than many families deal with in eighteen. 

And that’s where I’ve kind of settled on the show this season.  It just seemed that everything the writing team was throwing at the family was just too much.  Not unbelievable because everyone watching could identify with the struggles and challenges.  It was just becoming overwhelming.  I began to be afraid that either the writers had committed characters to storylines that were becoming weights around the neck of the show or…worse, they were trying to be too many things to too many people and failing everyone in the process.  This is why TV shows have “bibles” that set boundaries on characters and possibilities. 

To me, this season has felt less like a family oriented show for modern families and more like a telenovela of the Mexican variety:  Entertaining but way over the top in storyline and dramatic presentation.   

But then they aired the season finale last night and I remembered why I was first drawn to this show.

So after a season of melodramatic storylines, a painful episode featuring the culmination of a story arc about a Romeo and Juliet musical written by writers who had apparently never read Romeo and Juliet, and a few plotlines that seemed to go on and on like this current election cycle, driving us to a point where we really don’t care about Callie and Brandon and their poor boundaries….we’re punched in the gut with the reality of the foster care system:  Kids being placed in homes that are unqualified to take care of kids and in which the kids end up dead. 

This affects Jude profoundly because right before we learn that Jack, the foster kid who we’ve gotten to know this season, was murdered by the same foster father who had abused Callie and Jude, we see Jack kissing Jude.  Jack later confides in Callie that he felt it was a mistake because he’s not attracted to Jude because he, Jack, is straight.  Jack never has the chance to confess this to Jude. 

So the episode opens with a funeral/prayer service/informal gathering on the beach where Jude is delivering a sermon/eulogy.  This caught my interest right away because it was actually thoughtfully done and the words Jude was using to commend Jack to God’s care were words I’ve heard too many times in real funeral services.  This polished eulogy was coming from someone who has never really struggled with religion in the show’s run.  Jude has never explored it, questioned it, struggled with it.  But his sermon was spot on theologically.  In real life, if Jude was an actual person, one could clearly see that he was taking this seriously and had committed a great deal of thought and research to his reflection. 

So, as a student of religion and theology as well as psychology, I’m turning this scene over and over in my head for the rest of the episode.  I’m wondering where it came from and where it could be going because it was so unpredictable in a show that has become too predictable this season.

Fast forward to the last ten minutes of the show or so.  So, yeah, if you haven’t seen the episode and don’t want to know anymore, maybe you should stop reading now.  This is your warning.

Through the episode we see Jude talking with one of his female classmates and friends.  At one point we hear Jude expressing that maybe he’s not into guys.  Which, of course, the friend picks up on right away since she’s been crushing on Jude for about two seasons now.  But toward the end of the show we see Callie confronting Jude on his interest in the female friend.  Callie is confused because Jude has identified as gay pretty much since they came to this foster home which ended up adopting them.  Jude’s response?

“Maybe I’m not supposed to be gay.  I’ve loved two guys and God has taken them both away.”

I don’t know how other people heard that line but this is how I heard that line.  “I loved a guy named Connor and he moved away and our relationship ended.  I was falling in love with a guy named Jack and he was murdered.  I’m going to interpret this as a sign.  Maybe God is trying to tell me I need to get back on the straight path.”

I write about this a lot.  We story the events in our lives in an attempt to make sense of the things that we can’t explain.  When it comes to tragedy, as a rule, people will cite providential intervention as the reason things happen.  They will interpret that intervention as meaning this or that.  It’s how the individual copes.  I know that.

But here’s what I also know.  My theology informs me that God does not cause horrible things to happen.  God doesn’t need to.  Human beings do that well enough on our own.  God didn’t kill Jack in The Fosters.  The broken system operated by human beings killed Jack.  God certainly doesn’t punish people; that’s superstitious bullshit that should have died out with witch trials.  And God does not take people away from us or tear people away tragically to give us a message.   (I'm mentioning this in the middle of this review of The Fosters because I can't seem to stop reminding people of these important truths--especially a community and a subset of a community who tend to be victimized by such backward Christian nonsense.)

All of a sudden my interest in The Fosters has returned.  What sucks is that it’s from one of the most realistic characters that we don’t get to see too much of because of all the “kids” on the show the actor who portrays Jude is a kid and child labor laws impact his storylines.  But this is what The Fosters needed, I think.  A step away from the over-the-top-never-going-to-end drama of Callie and Brandon, or Jesus and his search for identity which, with a new actor, focused in a direction the character has never looked before (namely his birth father), or Mariana and all her teenage girl drama. 

Once again the show comes back to Jude. 

I don’t know where the writers are going to go with this but it’s pretty clear that in the time that passed between the horrible episode featuring Romeo and Juliet: The Musical and Jack’s tragic death and the season finale with the appearance of Preacher Jude, someone has obviously influenced Jude’s thinking on sexuality and God.  I really hope this is explored more next season because these are very real issues younger folks in the LGBTQ community struggle with.  I think that’s where they’re going considering the kiss Jude shares with his female classmate and the weird smile he has on his face afterwards. 

What do you think? 

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Boy George, Troye Sivan, and Me

I spend a lot of time puttering around on the internet.  Every morning I get up and start googling random crap and cruising through YouTube subscriptions and trendings.  It inevitably happens.  At some point a search for one specific thing will lead me to something completely different and it will be that something completely different that will unexpectedly educate and inspire me.

Today I ended up on this video on YouTube.  It’s an interview from 1984 between Johnny Carson and Boy George. 

History lesson time.  Before James Corden rode around in a car singing with superstars and Stephen Colbert lampooned newsmakers with mock earnestness, there was an old white guy who sat behind a desk and did some interviews and cracked some jokes.  In the interest of full disclosure I wasn’t a fan.  But a lot of folks tuned in because, really, he was the only game in town until folks like Joan Rivers and Arsenio Hall brought life and variety to the late night talk show arena.  But Carson was kind of the godfather of it all. 

So, picture it.  1984.  The AIDS crisis is evolving.  Ronald Reagan is president and neither he nor his First Lady, Nancy, will acknowledge the crisis because they don’t even want to be associated with the dirty word “homosexual.”  That doesn’t stop religious leaders and conservative politicians from making hay on the suffering of others by demonizing the victims of the disease while declaring “God’s judgment” on “sinful and deviant lifestyles.”

In the midst of this ignorant morass of silence and blame and fear comes…Boy George.

That picture is a screen capture of Boy George from the Johnny Carson interview.  It was the second time he had appeared on Carson’s show but the first time with Carson.  The first time he had appeared the iconic Joan Rivers was hosting.  This is a fact that Boy George jokes about in the interview with Carson by commenting, “The last time I was here you were in drag.”  Carson quickly distanced himself from the joke, clarifying that it had been Joan Rivers and not Carson with whom he had appeared.  If I’m right, this is a picture of Boy George and Joan Rivers from that first appearance. 

So, back to the video of Carson, the old White guy with his sense of humor that seems to ignore other people’s senses of humor, and Boy George sitting on the opposite side of the desk in all of his Boy George glory.  In 1984.  Amidst fear and ignorance.  And remembering that the culture of the UK is usually about 20 years ahead of culture in the US.  So, for Boy George, the smallest things he said or did at home were met with raised brows and anxiety here in the United States. 

Carson introduced Boy George, who comes in and makes the joke about Carson being in drag that Carson finds so repugnant, and then the interview begins.  It’s clear where Carson wants to go with the interview. 

Not long before this appearance Boy George attended the Grammies and made a joke about wondering when they music industry would see a real queen dressed as a drag queen.  Carson brings up the controversy his comment caused and Boy George brushes it aside, pointing out that in the UK you can say things like that and people laugh but in the US it’s basically a big scandal.  This brings up a conversation about “all of the stupid questions” Boy George had been answering since his arrival in LA from LA radio personalities. 

“What are some of the dumb questions they ask so I know which ones to avoid.  I mean, the first one has got to be,” and Johnny Carson makes sweeping gestures with his hands.  “Why do you dress like that?”

You can hear Boy George’s eyes rolling in his answer.  “I’ve answered that one so many times I’m going to avoid that one.”

“Okay, so what are the other questions?”

“Well, basic things like ‘How long does it take to do my makeup?’ you know and just boring things about my childhood.  Which was just the same as anybody else’s really.  Pretty dull.  Pretty boring.  So, Father Christmas, you know, and grazed knees, that kind of stuff.” 

“Yeah, but you can’t blame them, can you, Boy George, for asking those kinds of questions.  Because you are rather controversial.  It is something new that—“

“But after like three years of seeing me you would think people would be a bit used to me by now, you know.  I mean, in a country that has Liberace, I am hardly revolutionary, am I?

And the audience cheers.  But see the difference between Boy George and Liberace is that Liberace’s glam was still masculine.  He still wore tuxes and suits while performing.  So what if they were covered it glitter and sequence?

Johnny Carson continues.  “I’m trying not to be square you see.  I come from the middle of the United States.  State called Nebraska, which is right out in the middle of the country.  Rather conservative.  Now if I was your dad and you came home one day and I didn’t know it and I walked in and saw you as a young man—I guess you were about fifteen or sixteen when you started actually….wearing the make up and the costumes—I wouldn’t know how to react myself.  I think I would be adult enough myself to try to handle it but—“

“What do you got to handle?”

“Well, the effect that you walk in and you see your son dressing with makeup on.  The average person….”

“Okay, well, you’re going to have Halloween in a couple of weeks, you know.  What’s the difference between somebody dressing up for Halloween?  It’s only because people think it’s serious that they get frightened.  They look at me and they say, ‘Well, it’s not a Halloween party.’  So you have to have a reason to dress up.  There is nothing wrong with being different.  Why do you have to have an excuse to enjoy yourself?  You know there are people out there taking drugs, killing each other, fighting.  And like I just don’t see that you have to wait once a year, Christmas or Halloween, to enjoy yourself.  I think it’s a load of rubbish.  I think there is nothing wrong with dressing up and enjoying yourself if you want.”

“I think you’re right.  I think what you said before though…people are probably uncomfortable though with some things they don’t quite understand or something that’s different from them and they get uptight about it.”

I’ll leave the transcript there because it speaks to the points I want to make. [Go and watch the video, though.  It’s fascinating. ]

In 1984, when Boy George was being interviewed by Johnny Carson, I was in the sixth grade.  I remember my class’s Halloween party.  We still dressed up “back in the day” and spent the afternoon munching candy and watching movies.  One of my classmates dressed up as Boy George.  I knew it was a Boy George costume because she had obviously done the makeup and hair thing but she had written “Boy George” on her t-shirt.  My teacher, who was about the age of Johnny Carson, had a conniption.  He ranted about the costume being inappropriate and offensive.  And it was a female classmate dressed up as Boy George.

Of course this was the same teacher who demanded a male student remove his earring.

This was the mentality of the time.  It’s gotten better, to be sure, but we still have such a long way to go.  Someone I follow on social media just tweeted today that if people fought as hard for the poor as they fight against equal rights and protections, poverty would be history. 

But Johnny Carson, in this interview, actually makes a point.  He pointed out that people are uncomfortable with things they don’t understand or things that are different from them.  And make no mistake about it—Johnny Carson and Boy George and a significant segment of the audience knew that this conversation had nothing to do with make-up and clothes.  This was about identifying as something other than straight (on Boy George’s side) and the fear of validating something that not even the president would even speak about (on Johnny Carson’s side). 

I don’t know what the conversation was like in the UK or other parts of the world, but in the United States, at this time, coming out wasn’t an option for many artists and actors.  For example, George Michael at this same time was making it big with Wham!.  And speculation was just as bad.  If I had a dime for every time I heard a story about the members of New Kids on the Block having their stomach pumped to find gallons of bodily fluids, I could have retired at age 20.  I even remember watching some awards show with my folks one time and hearing my mother comment about how masculine Grace Slick from Jefferson Starship was trying to be while performing “We Built This City.” 

More and more I find myself stopping in my tracks to take stock of how far we’ve come, not just in the LGBTQ community but as a society.  Sharing our stories, when we can and how much we can and in whatever overt or veiled language we can, changes things.  It started somewhere.  It didn’t begin with Boy George on Johnny Carson and it’s certainly not going to end with marriage equality or the overturning of North Carolina’s disgusting law.  We all play our parts, when we can, how we can.  We show our faces with courage.  We move in small circles for our own safety.  We speak from behind the curtain of the internet to protect the people who love us. 

I’ve written before about Troye Sivan.  Last week Troye Sivan tweeted, “I am forever indebted and so so so grateful for the LGBTQ+ people who have come before me.”   This hit me for a variety of reasons but the truth of it is so poignant.  Troye Sivan, global recording superstar, gay, out at 20, changing the world.  But not just him.  Jordan Gray (@TallDarkFriend), trans contestant on The Voice UK, sharing her powerful story.  Noah Galvin on TV—a gay man playing a gay teen on The Real O’Neals.  YouTuber stars from all over the world, out and proud and sharing their stories, continuing the fight for equality so that the next generation of LGBTQ people won’t have to struggle so hard.

Just as Troye Sivan, still fighting with his beautiful spirit and his powerful words (“Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?”), doesn’t have to fight as hard as Boy George did. 

But here’s the flip side of Troye Sivan’s grateful statement.  My response:  “The ones who came before are grateful to the ones who come after; you’re still changing the world & us.”

You see, this is the reality in which I live.  The world has yet to open for me.  The light of peace and acceptance (of the world toward me and me toward the world, for that matter) hasn’t reached the dark recesses of my “closet.”  But I celebrate these rewards that have been hard won and the ability of those who can live in that light.  I am thrilled when I see Troye Sivan changing the world with his music.  I am thrilled when I read about Cole Ledford’s “Fifty States of Gay” project.  I am thrilled when I see someone like Jordan Gray on a national/international platform like The Voice, not only sharing her gift and her story, but doing it with Boy George himself watching and tearing up for each of her performances.

And all of these and more give me hope that maybe the world will change enough for me and this light will break open my prison door.  You see, in a place where teachers flipped out over girls dressing like Boy George and students assaulting other students just because they might be gay all with the blessing and support of a Church that loves Jesus but not enough to actually listen to the things Jesus says—for people who lived in these places, people like me, then and now, people like Boy George and Troye Sivan mean nothing.  They could be from a completely different world, somewhere over the rainbow (if you’ll pardon the expression). 

But from within my closet, I hear their words coming to me from that magical place of hope.  They inspire me, the one who came before who, from the shadows, fought and still fights,   It’s a cycle, I suppose.  An enormous wheel.  Where does what one generation give to the next begin and end? 

I hear their words and they tell me of a time I will be able to be me without causing the people I love and who love me a pain they don’t deserve for something not in their control anymore than the pain I’ve suffered for things outside of my control.  I’ve lived as a victim of the world’s ignorance for this long.  With these glimpses of hope, I can wait.  I will not victimize others to escape my lot. 

So I keep watch.  I listen.  I write and I speak what I can, when I can, how I can.  And I hope I make a difference.  Probably not as big of a difference as Boy George, Troye Sivan, or Jordan Gray.  But hopefully a difference, if only to one person.  Because that one person still has the potential to change the world.

Addendum:  About 30 minutes after posting this entry I found the interview of Boy George with Joan Rivers.  An astounding difference.  Night and day.  Whereas Carson backs away from Boy George, Joan Rivers sings his praises, calling him "cute and sexy."  

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The Hidden Truth Behind Me, Queen Elizabeth, Barack Obama, and the Aliens

We’re going to have some fun today.

So, I’ve been doing this blogging thing for about three months.  I started my Twitter account the same day I launched my blog.  I did these things because I wanted a way I could connect with readers and build an audience for my book.  But I’ve ended up being surprised at how the blog has really become a creature of in its own right. 

I’ve been kind of bummed lately, however, because my numbers on both my blog and my Twitter account seemed to have leveled off.  Last night I realized why.  Because Troy Comets isn’t a real person and I write pseudonymously, I don’t bring a natural audience and network to my blog and social media.  I don’t have friends and family and colleagues signing up, right out of the gate, to read my stuff or to share it.  What I’ve built on my blog and through Twitter was built in a vacuum.  Those of you who read my blog are people who found me on your own.  I think that means something.  My family would be….well, they would be shocked to read the stuff I share with you….but they would be obligated to read and share my stuff.  You guys aren’t.  But yet you do.  That means something to me.

As part of learning to do this blogging thing, I follow some different experts on social media.  One of those experts is Yann Girard (@girard_yann).  I won’t get into all of the reasons why I follow Yann, but recently I read an article he wrote on “Why No One Reads Your Stuff.”  In the article, Yann lists some do’s and don’ts…and some of the do’s are actually don’ts.  With absolutely no offense intended to Yann, who makes many valid points in his writing and shares numerous inspirational thoughts, I thought I would have some fun with some of his points.  So based off of the ideas Yann lists that work for him….

Idea Number One:  Post Pictures of Naked Women

Just to be clear, Yann states he’s never tried it but encourages readers to try it if they want.  The idea is that so many people include graphics, pics, etc., that you need something to stand out.  I hope Yann doesn’t mind that I subbed a guy for a woman, though. 

Idea Number Two:  Screw Everybody Else

The idea here is that it takes a lot of time and effort to read other people’s blogs.  Yann’s suggestion is to stop reading other people’s stuff and focus on making your own writing better, devoting that now “freed up time” to your own projects.  So, as soon as I’m done writing this post, I’ll be unfollowing Yann.  That will free up A LOT of time.  The guy’s writing is profuse!

Idea Number Three:  Insult People

You jerks!

Just kidding.  What Yann means here, I think, is to not be afraid to write things that show your knowledge and opinions.  Don’t worry about offending people.  Well, I think I got that down with my posts about Easter and my posts about lazy, ignorant Christians. 

Idea Number Four:  Don’t Add People

I think this is reverse psychology.  Yann clearly says “don’t do it” and then explains that he does do it for the obvious reason of creating an audience.  I’m not comfortable doing that.  I follow people who inspire me or have something to share with me to improve my life.  I don’t want to use people to generate an audience or balloon any artificial indicators of success.  I blogged a bit about that here.

Idea Number Five:  Screw Analytics

I feel like I already talked about this with idea number four.  Success for me isn’t knowing how many people are reading or even finishing the things I post.  Success for me is planting a seed and being okay with the fact that I’ll probably never know if that seed germinates and grows.

I write not to become famous.  I blog not to stroke my ego.  I do these things because they’re in me and I will explode from the pressure of my thoughts and stories if I don’t get them out.  It’s therapy.  It’s catharsis.  I’m just…either really selfish or really brilliant for dragging you along for the ride.

Idea Number Six:  Not More than Two Lines

Supposedly I need to learn to hook readers right away, in those first two lines.  I kind of see that.  But I also know that the best part of a good song doesn’t show up in the first ten seconds.  Hell, the best part of some larger, classical orchestrations doesn’t even show up in the first two movements.  So, this is what I propose:  I’ll write and share what I write.  You skim it/read it and if you find it helpful, hooray!  If you find it useless, stop reading it and move on.  Deal?

Idea Number Seven:  List Posts to Die For

Yann suggests here to arrange post listings, which are title to draw interest, in such a way that people can’t help but to keep clicking.  That’s why I titled this post what I did.  It got your attention, didn’t it?

Idea Number Eight:  Don’t Read

Since I’m supposed to be working on becoming a better writer I should be writing and not reading.  I’m not so sure about that.  Realize that I’m an academic with a buttload of graduate work under my belt.  I feel like if I’m going to write I want to be informed and I want to inform.  I’m not wasting my time or yours by just….writing.  Don’t get me wrong; I’ll share my opinions.  God knows I have enough of them.  But the world has enough people shooting off their ignorant nonsense without me adding to the choir of the ignorati. 

Idea Number Nine:  Reinvention

I’ll be honest.  I’m struggling with this one right now.  The idea here is that if you write every day you’ll eventually run out of things to say.  I’m not short on things to say but I’m afraid my blog is going to become too narrow in its focus and content.  It’s kind of why I’m doing this post today.  What do you think I should blog about?  Leave a comment.  I’m serious.  I want to know.

Idea Number Ten:  Write Bad Stuff

Hrm….

Post for March 28, 2016.  CHECK!

Well, that was easy.

Idea Number Eleven:  Writing Rules

First rule of writing club?  There are no rules for writing club.  And I think this is Yann’s point throughout his article and something I try to talk about on a regular basis.  I can tell you what works for me, today, in my writing, in my life, in whatever.  But I’m not going to make these hard and fast rules for anyone including myself.  Life has taught me in rather harsh ways that I need to be more pragmatic.  So, if there’s one piece of advice….okay, well, two pieces of advice I could offer you it’s this:

1.      Go with it.  Learn from what comes to you.  Make the best decision you possibly can with the information available to you and live into that decision knowing it was the best you could have done and that life will give you chances to change directions when you need to.

2.     Go and watch this music video.  It’s old but it’s still brilliant.

Thanks, Yann, for (hopefully) being okay with me doing this.  But, then again, if you’re following your own suggestions, like number two, you’re not going to read this anyway so I should be golden. 

And thank you, dear reader, for letting me be goofy on this Easter Monday morning.

Share it forward!

Follow me on Twitter @TroyComets

Easter and Ignorance

Okay.

I’ve debated long enough on this topic and I’ve decided to write about it.  I went back and forth on it not because I didn’t feel competent and comfortable writing on the topic.  If anything I’m too comfortable and competent to write on it.  I was hesitant because I try very hard not to focus on religion in my blogging because religion has hurt too many LGBTQ people, including myself,  and I don’t want to keep rubbing salt in the wounds. 

I also didn’t want to “tip my hand” and maybe show too much non-Troy Comets knowledge through my Troy Comets activity.  What I mean is this:  Troy Comets has never disclosed what he does off of the internet or what the person behind Troy Comets has actually studied.  I’ve hinted that if you look at my writing you can probably figure out what I’ve studied and how much time I’ve spent in those studies.  After reading this post you may have a more complete idea.  I’m not 100% certain that’s a good thing…but I’m 100% certain it’s not all a bad thing either.

But, here’s the thing.

1.     Trying to avoid talking about religion because of the pain it has caused us isn’t going to make that pain go away.  Maybe I’m wrong to avoid the topic the way I do.  Maybe I should acknowledge religion’s role in the oppression of the LGBTQ community more.  Maybe I should acknowledge our pain—my pain—more in my writing.  Maybe it could be more a part of the healing process than I’ve previously imagined it could be.  All I know is that I don’t want this blog to become “Troy Comets’ Ongoing Commentary about How Messed Up the Church Is.”  Though I know there’s MORE THAN ENOUGH to talk about there, there’s more for us, LGBTQ and non-LGBTQ people alike, to worry about and talk about.

2.     Sometimes I can’t turn off the things I know.  It would be nice.  Believe me.  Sometimes I can’t think of anything that would bring me more peace than to forget half the things I know.  But, as I write this, it’s Holy Saturday.  Tomorrow is Easter.  We’re ending Holy Week….and, as a Christian person of faith, religion is all around me right now and I can’t escape it.  Add to that the fact that I’ve wasted an hour and a half of my life today by watching Tyler Perry’s “The Passion Live” and I’m more than a little angry about how ignorant the Church is about its own heritage and its own story.

I just tweeted a comment that to understand the Passion of Jesus, the whole story that’s told between what is usually referred to as “The Triumphal Entry” (Palm Sunday) through the Last Supper, the trial and execution, and ends with the Resurrection—to understand any of this, a person needs to understand politics in first century Palestine.  Let me explain why.

The Jewish leaders get a bad rap in traditional Christianity.  As they’re portrayed in biblical interpretations throughout history they are the antagonists to our hero, Jesus.  They try to shut him down.  They want to argue with them.  They appear clueless and obstinate.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The fact of the matter is that these were faithful men of God.  They were not only adhering to the interpretation of Hebrew Scriptures that had been handed down to them but they were also trying to protect their people. 

Judea, where the bulk of Jesus’ ministry takes place in the four biblical Gospels, was an occupied territory.  Since its fall in “Old Testament Times” it had changed ownership a number of times.  It was prime real estate.  You couldn’t travel anywhere in the region without moving through Israel and Judea.  At the time of Jesus, it’s Rome that holds the deed to Judea and Rome wasn’t known for its kind and gentle ways when it came to occupation.

Within living memory of most of the elders of the Jewish people at the time of Jesus there was at least one revolt that was stamped out tragically by Rome.  What the leaders understood was that there was going to be no uprising as long as Rome was a factor.  There would be no independence until God’s anointed appeared, the “messiah” or “Christ,” who would lead God’s chosen people back to their chosen status in the world.

So when Jesus, who overtly and tacitly claims to be this messiah, begins to amass a following, who challenges the status quo, who attracts people like Judas the Zealot to his cause—when the leadership begins to see this, it makes them worried.  They see the makings of another revolt and, remembering the last revolt and how Rome dealt with it, they begin planning ways to get Jesus out of the picture before it’s too late.  Why do you think one of the charges the Jewish leaders argue in front of their Roman rulers is, “He’s no friend of Caesar’s?”  He’s a traitor and you need to deal with him.

So, of course, he’s dealt with.  There’s a trial in which Pontius Pilate famously gives the people a choice between two prisoners—Jesus or Barabbas.  Never mind the fact that no such tradition even existed.  Our English Bibles tell us that Barabbas was a criminal/murderer.  The actual word in Greek which describes him is “zealot.”  Like Judas, Barabbas was a freedom fighter.  He was a patriot.  He probably would have been considered a “terrorist” by today’s standards.  Which would you choose if you were under occupation?  Someone who just a few days ago came to town with under the auspices of being the messiah who would kick Rome out but the most he could do was throw a tantrum in the Temple?  Or the guy with the proven track record of undermining the occupational forces?  The gospel author is making a point here—not giving us a history lesson. 

If you watched “The Passion Live” on FOX you might remember Tyler Perry’s explanation of what crucifixion was like and then what was done with the body.  According to Tyler Perry’s script, Jesus was buried in a tomb which was sealed with a boulder and guarded by Roman soldiers—all under Pilate’s orders.  Of course nothing like it happened.  The earliest Gospel we have is Mark.  Mark tells us that it was the day of preparation.  We already know it’s late in the afternoon so the pressure’s on under Jewish religious law to get things done before Sabbath begins.  Joseph of Arimathea, who is identified as a Jewish leader, comes to Pilate and asks for the body.  Pilate gives it to him and Joseph of Arimathea quickly buries Jesus in Joseph’s own tomb.  It really was a “hurry up and get it done” affair.  Sabbath was hours and minutes away.  This is why later in the story the women return on the first day of the week (Sunday) to do the burial rituals after Sabbath. 

What Tyler Perry’s scriptwriter and the majority of Christians fail to understand here is the process of developing what Christian theologians call “a high Christology.”  What this means is that years and years after the fact, followers of “The Way” (which is what this sect of Judaism was initially called) struggled to make the story of Jesus flow out of the story of God as recorded in the Hebrew Scriptures.  We see the beginnings of the development of this Christology in Mark, with its use of the terms “Christ” and “Son of God.”  Mark, remember, was written about 35 years after Jesus’ death.  But this Christology advances again by the time Matthew and Luke are written, roughly 20 years after Mark.  Matthew and Luke begin to answer questions that the earliest Christian community started asking.  Questions like “Where did Jesus come from?”  In reply, Matthew and Luke give detailed birth narratives.  They also address the arguments of skeptics.  “Maybe Jesus wasn’t really dead.”  This is why in Matthew one of the Roman soldiers impales Jesus’ through the side with the spear.  “Maybe someone stole Jesus’ body and created the whole resurrection story.”  Again, this is why Matthew has Pilate setting guards on the tomb. 

But Christians have done  exactly what Tyler Perry’s scriptwriters have done throughout history.  We don’t pay attention to what is written or ask why it’s written the way it is.  Instead, we harmonize the stories and stupidly recite them during the most holy times in our religious calendar.  Like Christmas.  All of a sudden we have Mary and Joseph having a child in a barn (because there’s a feed trough being used) and we simultaneously have angels (which, by the way, are messengers from God and not divine beings with wings.  The whole angelic cult is developed later.) and wise men from the East showing up all at the same time.  Never mind the fact that the wisemen (of an undesignated number, by the way.  Scripture never tells us three beyond three gifts which are symbolic in their own right) show up YEARS after Jesus’ birth.

This is what makes me so freaking angry about my fellow adherents to the Christian faith:  Too many people are comfortable in their ignorance, blindly accepting the watered down, dumbed down, Christian message that generations of preachers and pastors and priests have massaged to diminish its power and “teeth.”  Again, for an example, I turn to “The Passion Live” in which the song performed to capture the spirit of this “triumphal entry” into Jerusalem is “Love can Move Mountains” by Celine Dion.  The triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem was not “lovey dovey, love conquers all” nonsense.  It was a protest.  It was desperation.  The crowd was shouting “Hosanna!”  Hoshi’ana!  “SAVE US!”  People were flocking to the person who was supposed to be their liberator crying out in pain and anguish! 

How many congregations capture that spirit in their annual Palm Sunday parades of palm waving and Sunday School children singing?

But this is the issue:  All of these biblically conservative Christians who, like the people they vilify in the gospel stories, may mean well.  But unlike the people they treat as antagonists in the Jesus story, they are completely oblivious to what it is they’re reading, where it came from, and how it’s been transmitted.

And it drives me nuts.

This brings me back to “The Passion Live” once again.  This feel good, for club members only, overly produced, poorly researched and written spectacular dumbed the story down still further and didn’t pause to consider the full implication of the music they chose to accentuate the story.

For example.  Trisha Yearwood as Mary singing “In the end only kindness matters.”  Really?  See, the biblical message claims that in the end it’s the love of God that matters.  Or Jencarlos Canela  as Jeuss singing “I won’t give up if you don’t give up.”  Really?  The commitment of Jesus Christ is dependent on my commitment?  Then we’re all screwed because, newsflash, human beings are fickle creatures incapable of commitment.  That’s why the biblical message highlights God’s commitment to humanity trumping humanity’s commitment to God.

What’s worse than picking songs with bad theology?  Picking songs that capture good theology and thinking that the people singing the song will embody the meaning of the song.  I’m referring to the song used by “The Passion Live” at the climax of the performance:  Unconditionally  

Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are all worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through this storm I would
I'll do it because I love you, I love you

This!  This is the message that so many people, so many people in so many subsets of our society, not just the LGBTQ community--but SO MANY PEOPLE need to hear.  It's the message of the story of God told through the pages of the Christian Bible.  It's the power behind the Hebrew word chessed and the Greek word agape.  It's unconditional love--it's love poured out without qualification, without prerequisite, without the receiver moving himself or herself to a place in which they might "fit in better" or "conform more appropriately" the beliefs and behaviors of any particularly community that holds power and domination.  It's a love that says, "You.  Just as you are.  You are special.  You are loved.  Just the way you are."

The Church will join Jencarlos Canela. It will sing this song, add it to its repertoire of “contemporary hymns” and then it will turn around and, as a rule, insist gay people should be straight, people in poverty should pull themselves up by the bootstraps, that women should be obedient to their husbands…..you get the idea.

Which makes me wonder how Katy Perry feels about the Church coopting her song.

Look, I get it.  The Church, like every other human institution whether religious or secular, is flawed.  It’s broken.  It’s far from perfect.  That’s what happens when human beings enter the picture and try to take something as powerful as a movement like civil rights or Christianity and make it a system.  It’s going to lose momentum, power, and even sight of its mission and purpose.  That doesn’t mean we can use that as an excuse.  That doesn’t mean we can ignore the damage we’ve done and continue to do.  That doesn’t mean we forgive our own blatant ignorance and hypocrisy when we sing songs like “Unconditionally” but turn around and tell people to “give up your sinful ways and be something you can’t possibly be and then God will love you.”

The reason I’m rethinking my approach to religion and the Church, at least for this post, is that it’s Easter in the Western Church.  It’s the season of resurrection, renewal, and hope.  Traditionally and historically it’s understood as a moment of profound change where God alters the rules and breaks down barriers that seem unbreakable.  It’s a season of forgiveness.  It’s a celebration of how far God is willing to go to demonstrate God’s love. 

For people reading this who are solidly inside the Church, maybe the barrier that God is breaking down is the barrier that keeps you from exploring and even challenging the theology that has been handed to you.

For people reading this who are outside of the Church because it is where you have been placed by people within the Church or where you have placed yourself for your own protection and self-preservation, maybe the renewal that God is offering you is the renewal of God’s promise of unconditional love—whether the institutional Church is willing to offer it to you or not.  If it’s one thing that has been made abundantly clear:  God does not need the participation or approval of faith institutions to love God’s children. 

For people reading this for whom faith is not a part of your life, I hope I haven’t offended or bored you.  Thank you for giving me the space to share these thoughts.

As always, feel free to share these thoughts forward.

Follow me on Twitter @TroyComets 

Stranger in My Own Skin

American Idol jumped the shark a number of seasons ago.  It’s not surprising; what goes up must come down.  This is their final season.  For fifteen years this show has entertained us, made us angry, made us wonder why in the world certain people were invited to be judges (Kara Dioguardi?  Nicki MInaj?)

I wasn’t planning on watching this season.  I haven’t been able to enjoy the show since they stopped invited big industry names to be mentors and forcing contestants to perform a variety of different genres and styles.  I like my music to sound unique; I like to connect with an artist.  What I’ve heard from the past few seasons was a contest to identify the next manufacturer of the same mass produced sound that dominates the music industry in the United States.  It didn’t help that the weekly rotation of successful artists was replaced by an industry producer skilled at looking for “that marketable sound.”

But I have been watching the final season.  My family has fond memories of watching the show when it was in its prime and I was hoping to recapture some of those warm fuzzies we experienced years ago.  I’m glad that I have been watching because there have been a couple of legitimate artists this season who are able to and insist on doing their own thing despite what the judges and producers advise them to do. 

I think the real reason I’ve been glad to be a part of the audience the past couple of weeks is because of the realism a couple of the artists have demonstrated in telling their stories.  Of particular interest to me has been the introduction of the subject of mental health through Dalton Rapattoni, the blue eyed, platinum haired, eye-liner wearing artist who won his “golden ticket” to Hollywood by contemporizing “The Phantom of the Opera” in his audition.

It started last week, with episode 19.  In the package leading up to Dalton’s performance, we heard the beginning of a conversation Dalton has with us about having difficulties “being comfortable in my own skin.”  In the package we’re introduced to Dalton’s mother, Kiva, who talks about Dalton as a child, how he experienced severe highs and lows.  Dalton continues to talk about how, when he would feel emotions, they would be 1000 times as powerful as how he saw other people experiencing them.  He began talking about a really bad breakdown he was having in the driveway when his mother’s voice comes back in and says, “He was screaming and crying and saying ‘I just want to die.’” 

Dalton shares with us that at age nine he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  He explains that even though he began receiving treatment he still struggled with the severe emotions he felt and the fact that he had no way to express them.  Finally, through the gift of guitar lessons from his grandmother, Dalton discovered music, which he says “changed my life. “

Dalton then went on to perform a song I’ve never liked:  “The Sound of Silence.”  Yeah.  He changed my mind about that song. 

Fast forward seven days.

Last night Dalton made it into the top four, which I think ended up being a gift to America.  if he hadn’t made it, we never would have heard more of his story, see him relate to Sia, who was the big star working with the contestants and who also struggles with Bipolar Disorder, or heard the killer performance he gave.  Dalton covered Sia’s “Bird Set Free.”  He barely made it through; the power of the lyrics were overwhelming and, knowing Dalton’s story, I found myself hearing the song in a completely different way.

And then, of course, came the judge’s feedback.  Jennifer Lopez started by saying, “You know….everybody is cheering for your bravery.  It’s what we all want to do.  We all want to let go.  We all want to feel good in our own skin.  We all want a moment where we can release and we can just be ourselves and find ourselves.”

I don’t think Jennifer Lopez was done talking before I had taken to Twitter to offer my gratitude to Dalton for that bravery, for his courage to be honest about his story and talk about these painful memories and ongoing struggles in front of a population that refuses to engage in a legitimate conversation about mental health care.  And I’m not just talking about things like awareness of things like Bipolar Disorder or Depression or Anxiety (which I’ve written about before as this is the primary issue I struggle with).  I’m talking about how Dalton began this conversation two weeks ago with his statement about struggling to be “comfortable in my own skin” and having the conversation continue with Jennifer Lopez speaking for many of by saying, “We all want to feel good in our own skin.”

I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin and I imagine for a significant number of you who are reading this it’s the same.  For us, who are LGBTQ (and I’m not including Dalton into that population because I have no idea how he identifies and that’s really not the point here)—but for those of us who are LGBTQ and struggle to make peace within ourselves and with the people around us because of an identity we can’t change, we really don’t feel comfortable in our own skin.  Either by a series of choices we make or by a limiting of choices that are provided to us, we end up wearing a skin that is not our own.  It’s a skin that the people around us—in our homes, in our schools, in our churches, in our places of employment—it’s a skin that everyone else accepts.  It’s also a skin that slowly suffocates those of us who wear it. 

Again, I’m not talking about Dalton here.  I’m using his story and his struggle as a starting point for a similar story and struggle too many LGBTQ people struggle with because, as a society, we are still a long ways away from accepting people for who they are and how they are made.  We have absolutely no idea, as a whole, how to support people in their challenges as the discovery who they are and how to overcome the things inside of themselves that threaten to consume them:  Loneliness, depression, isolation, confusion, anger, fear….

And why wouldn’t LGBTQ people be suffocating in a skin that isn’t theirs when we have politicians passing laws that strip LGBTQ people of their humanity?  How many teens and young adults in North Carolina are resolving today to not be themselves after the North Carolina legislature not only passes a law excluding LGBTQ people from discriminatory practices but forbids local governments from passing ordinances that would protect LGBTQ people?  Think about it:  Now not only do LGBTQ youth in North Carolina have to worry about whether their family and friends will accept or reject them but there is nothing in place to protect them from systematic rejection of society based on who they are. 

Look, I know the LGBTQ issue wasn’t even on Dalton’s radar when he started sharing his story last week.  But this is what happens when we start sharing stories.  We discover we’re more alike than different.  Many of us fight the same demons.  The demons might come from different places, come in different shapes, and have different levels of power over each of us as individuals, but when it gets down to it, Jennifer Lopez hits the nail on the head:  “We all want to feel good in our own skin.”

And this is why I’m so grateful to Dalton Rapattoni for having the courage to share his story in such an honest and powerful way.  Each time someone can share their struggle in a way that it touches something inside so many others and draws attention to a common thread that runs through the lives of so many people, the conversation about that thread gets easier.  It’s what history tells us.  Look at suffrage.  Look at civil rights.  Look at marriage equality.  The more we hear stories and grow to understand the pain behind those stories, the more we identify with the people telling the stories because we can see ourselves in their story. 

I definitely see myself in Dalton’s story.  The details are different.  It’s not Bipolar that I struggle with.  Music is not how I express myself (for which the American public should be eternally grateful).  But I know exactly what he means about not being comfortable in my own skin.  And thanks to Dalton’s willingness to share part of his story about this feeling of being an alien in your own body, I feel a bit more comfortable sharing part of my story about the same feeling. 

We need to come to a place where we’re comfortable sharing our stories, especially the painful ones, dear reader.  It’s the only way things are ever going to change.  

Post Script

I'm adding this comment about an hour after publishing the original post.  I was conflicted:  Should I add this comment and link to this post or should I do another one?  In the end I decided to add it.

If you want to see someone who's learned to be comfortable in her skin, I suggest you check out Jordan Gray (@TallDarkFriend), who is a contestant on The Voice UK this season.  This is another inspirational story with a POWERFUL performance

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Lightworkers and Making It Through

I need to tell you about my cousin, Joanna. 

So I’m really good with people.  It’s equal parts education and intuition, I think.  I spend a lot of time watching people and I’ve spent a lot of time working with people.  It doesn’t take me long to figure a person out.  It comes with my background and training.  People talk to me or I listen to people and things just click into place, giving me an insight into the person’s goals, interests, fears, and challenges. 

For example.  If you tell me that you have a difficult time having a relationship because you exhaust yourself and neglect yourself for the energy you invest in the relationship, I can tell you that you haven’t had people to connect with in the past and you’re so desperate not to repeat a pattern of broken connections that you put everything into your relationships.  You are driven to connection but by the time you’ve poured all you have to pour into a relationship in order to secure that relationship you’ve burned yourself out.  (This is just an example from a conversation I recently had.  It’s not a universal truth.)

It’s easy for me, given some time, to figure people out. 

My cousin, Joanna?  It takes her absolutely no time to figure a person out.  She is so good at intuiting people, their motivations, their fears, their emotions, that it makes a lot of people uneasy.  She’s so good at this she’s developed this shtick in which she “reads palms.”  She’ll hold your hand, point at the different lines, tell you the names of the lines and what they all mean, and then she’ll completely ignore your hand and tell you everything about yourself.  I’ve seen her do it hundreds of times and it’s fascinating. 

It’s not always received well.  Once people know she does “this palm reading thing” they’ll race up to her, holding out their hands.  Once people see how accurate she is in her observations, people’s hands start disappearing into their pockets.  I have family members who actually stay on the opposite side of any room Joanna’s in for fear that she’ll see their secrets and truths in their eyes.

My cousin Joanna is unconventional.  She’s a free spirit.  She’s a seeker.  She’s deeply spiritual but challenges a lot of ideas about traditional religion.  I’ve learned a lot from her—about people, about myself, about faith and spirituality. 

I’ve held onto something Joanna taught me a few years ago.  It was such a brilliant way of explaining and describing something I see in certain people and how these people affect the world around them.  She taught me the concept of a lightworker.

One of the reasons I held onto this information the way I have is that nearly every approach I take to explaining how people react to and interact with the world around them is based in traditional Christianity.  I use Christian terminology to explain, in Christian terms, how God works through people to improve the word, specifically in providing care for the least and the lowest.  This works great if it’s Christian people of faith I’m speaking with, but as regular readers of my blog may have figured out by now, I have a particular interest in reaching out to the people the Church has hurt in some way.  Who wants to hear about how God works through people when the people who should be God’s hands and voice in the world are the very people who have rejected you, called you names, and stripped you of your humanity for simply not conforming to their expectations?

So I’ve held onto this idea of lightworkers.  I’ve used the term before with people.  The trick of it, for me, is that I’m abandoning Christian terminology and concepts for the language and metaphor of another religion…and that doesn’t make me feel comfortable either.  My discomfort isn’t that I think Christianity is right and the other religion is wrong.  My discomfort comes from the fact that I’m not a part of the faith tradition that speaks of lightworkers.  I don’t want to be one of those people who picks over other religions, philosophies, and cultures for “the good stuff” and then, in my arrogance and ignorance, misrepresent the thing I’ve stolen.  I also never want to speak for a group or culture to which I don’t belong.

But I find myself using this term more and more because I think it accurately represents a phenomenon that can be seen in people regardless of faith tradition.  So as I talk about lightworkers, I hope that I do so respectfully and accurately.

What exactly is a lightworker?  One resource suggests the following:

Lightworkers are souls who carry the strong inner desire to spread Light – knowledge, freedom and self-love – on earth. They sense this as their mission. They are often attracted to spirituality and to therapeutic work of some kind.

Because of their deeply felt mission, lightworkers often feel different from other people. By experiencing different kinds of obstacles on their way, life provokes them to find their own unique path. Lightworkers are nearly always solitary individuals, not fitting into fixed societal structures.

I think this description might be a bit conservative compared to others I’ve seen in that the individual actually may not realize how spiritual they are or recognize how their work (light) actually affects the people around them.  I do think it’s universal that these individuals are “helpers” in some way.  It may not be some sort of therapeutic or healing job in which they work but somewhere along the way they engage in healing activities to help people around them.  Healing in this case is more than just physical healing.  They are motivated to see healing in the world—healing within communities and healing within individuals. 

That’s kind of the “ground floor” explanation of lightworkers.  From there the definition and identification of traits becomes more and more spiritual.  I don’t want to go any deeper into the spiritual conversation for our purposes here mainly because I’m not qualified to speak to the deeper spirituality.  What I want to focus on is the fact that these are people who, consciously or subconsciously, reach out to the hurting people around them to ease their pain and make the world a better place.

Think about everything you know about the imagery of light.  Light is used to connote healing, knowledge, wisdom, life, and good.  It can convey grace or blessing from divine forces.  The disappearing of light can reflect fear, anxiety, cold, illness, and death.  The coming of light can convey understanding, growth, healing, and salvation from difficulty.  Light metaphors permeate our literature (“…what light through yonder window breaks?”) our music, our movies, and our religious expressions.  It’s universally known imagery within the whole of human experience even apart from a religious context—and that’s why I’m drawn to the term.

To me a lightworker is an individual who has a knack for understanding things differently, through compassionate eyes that see deeper into the humanity of struggles most politicians and religious leaders choose to over-simplify.  With that unique understanding comes the ability to connect with people to pass the light which is within them along to others. 

I believe lightworkers are able to make these connections through common struggles and pains.  I think that’s why, within the context of the LGBTQ community and relationships/friendships, it’s through the recognition of common struggles, themes, and pains that create the bridge for the light to pass between the lightworker to the person in need of healing.  Why do you think the “It Gets Better” campaign is so successful?  People who watch these videos and hear these stories are able to see themselves in the “expert’s” story. 

Why am I even bringing this up?  Over the past couple of weeks my blog has focused on taking control of your own story along with some serious discussions about homophobia, bullying, and suicide.  I’ve spent time taking my faith tradition to task for continuing to hold onto ignorant and superstitious interpretations and institutionalized prejudices.  Why am I suddenly talking about this concept of lightworkers?

Like all of you I’ve been watching the news.  Brussels was just attacked; another city of innocents drawn into a war of ideology and politics that the Western world created but refuses to take responsibility for.  North Carolina has legalized bigotry by passing a law that does not protect LGBTQ people from discrimination.  The state of Georgia is on the verge of signing into law a bill that would give religious officials in the state the option to refuse to perform same-sex marriage ceremonies and for tax-funded groups to deny services to gay people.  Donald Trump’s rise to power continues.  The Senate GOP refuses to do its job by calling for hearings to confirm Judge Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court.  Iran sanctions, Obama in Cuba….it all just gets to be too much.  The news is so incredibly discouraging and that just the news.  The talking heads on the 24/7 news networks have no idea of the struggles of my life or yours, the pain that doesn’t hit close to home but lives in our homes.  It’s easy to feel like the darkness is about to swallow us whole.

But one of the things I’ve noticed more and more is this:  The darker things seem to get, the more people I would consider lightworkers I seem to notice.  I guess it’s true: You can’t appreciate the power of a candle until all of the lights have gone out. 

I see a lot of candles in the darkness.

They’re all around us.  They come to us from a variety of places, usually unexpected places as the world continues to change.  They reach out to us, to reassure us and bring us healing and hope, to remind us that we matter and have value.  The tell us it will get better. 

I think the old saying still holds true.  “The world is going to hell in a handbasket.”  But that’s nothing new.  Humanity has been visiting pain and suffering onto itself since we learned to walk on two legs and make fire.  But more than that and much more importantly than that:  We are able to do so much more good.  Sometimes I wonder how our public mood would change if 24/7 news networks would start reporting light-related stories rather than the headlines that have traditionally made them money—headlines of murder, terror, and fear.

So, look around you.  I guarantee that no matter how dark it seems right now in your life and how overwhelmed you are by the horrible stuff that is going on in the world and in your life, there are lightworkers right there with you, ready to share their light.  I also guarantee that everyone who is reading this right now has enough light inside of themselves to reach out to the broken world around them to make life a little better for the people around them as well.  You are both worthy of the gift of hope that people will offer you and able to share that gift with others.  I promise you.