Life Lessons from Dungeons and Dragons

Last Friday I wrote about the challenge I have in writing LGBT antagonists.  On the one hand I said that I like to write fiction with which the readers can identify.  It’s unfortunately extremely easy for LGBT readers to identify with LGBT characters whose stories show a struggle with the “traditional” mentality of the non-LGBT majority.  IN my writing the LGBT character/community is the hero going up against institutionalized ignorance and homophobia in families, religious communities, schools, and politics.

On the other hand I confess that there is a danger in always setting up a story with this formula.  Even though I still believe that this particular formula makes it easy for LGBT people to see themselves in the story and identify with the characters because they share a common struggle, I also have to acknowledge that the world isn’t as black and white as we sometimes make it out to be.  Not all non-LGBT people and institutions are bad guys (obviously) and not all LGBT people are heroes. 

I’ve been chewing on this idea since I posted that 500 word essay last week.  I’ve come to the conclusion that, though I’m obviously well intentioned, I’m feeding the beast that is one of our society’s most challenging problems:  Oversimplification leading to polarization.

In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry is complaining to Sirius Black about the new teacher, Professor Umbridge.  He clearly believes Umbridge could be a Death Eater, the bad guys who support He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  In response Sirius observes, “…the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters.  We’ve all got both light and dark inside us.  What matters is the part we choose to act on.  That’s who we really are.”  I think this also becomes part of the answer to the recurring question of, “If all the bad guys come from Slytherin, why not just kick them out?”  Because it’s not that simple. Look at Snape, one of the best literary characters of all time. 

What stings a little as I come to terms with this oversight on my part is this.  You would think that someone with a background in counseling and psychology, who is a fierce advocate for the appreciation of any individual’s story rather than summarily dismissing or categorizing the individual based on my limited understanding of their story—you would think I would know better.  You would think that I would be more aware of the “shades of gray” when it comes to individual morality and personality types.  To truly understand an individual’s motivation we need to hear their story and, after hearing their story, we will very rarely ever find that the individual does what they do because they describe themselves as “evil.”

Here’s a great example.  Last night the season six finale of The Walking Dead aired and it shocked fans.  I mean, Alfred Hitchcock once said, “Always let your audience suffer as long as possible.”  Well, The Walking Dead takes Mr. Hitchcock’s advice to the next level.  Last night we were introduced to the new antagonist, a guy by the name of Negan, and by the end of the episode all we know is that Negan has killed one of our heroes.  We don’t know who.  All we know is that we now hate Negan. 

After new episodes of The Walking Dead, there’s always a show in which actors, creators, and fans sit down and process what they’ve just seen.  It really is a massive group therapy session.  Last night was the creator of the show, a producer, and the guy who plays Negan along with someone who might be our dead character (because we won’t know who died until the new season airs later this year).  As the audience in the studio and at home was processing the loss of a character and their hatred of Negan, I think it was the creator of the show that said, “Look, if we would have started from day one with Negan instead of Rick (our main hero) and followed his story instead of Rick’s story, you would understand Negan’s motivations better and sympathize with Negan and think it’s Rick who’s the out of control psychopath.”  This assessment was spot-on.  The audience’s estimation of the “evilness” of Negan rests solely on the fact that we know Rick’s story and not Negan’s.  Negan’s not “evil.”  Negan is trying his best to establish order in chaos.  And it’s obviously working because no one has taken him out yet.  You see?

In our post 9/11/01 world it’s a difficult truth to accept because we have been so conditioned by politicians and the media to paint with a broad brush when we use the word “terrorist.”  However, this is another perfect example of the fact that people are not motivated by “evil.”  One person’s terrorist is another person’s freedom fighter.  Over Easter weekend there was a terrorist attack in Pakistan.  It’s easy to dismiss the perpetrators of the act as “evil” but it doesn’t solve the problem.  I’m not an apologist for heinous activity, but I do know that if we took the time to understand why people keep blowing themselves up in their effort to blow up as many other people as possible, we’d be further along to ending this so-called war on terror.  Certainly much further than using “advanced interrogation techniques.” 

And the thing is, when it comes to my writing, I’ve written stuff that is more nuanced when it comes to morality and ethics.  I’ve just never done it my LGBT young adult stuff.  I suppose that’s because, going back to my first assertion, I want to write things that readers can easily see themselves in.  I’ve said it before:  I try to write the kind of story that I really wish I could have read when I was growing up. 

So, setting aside real life for a while (which is what writing is all about for me), let me briefly explain how I normally develop characters.

It’s a process, character development, and it’s usually never done.  I joked a few weeks ago that in my current book the characters weren’t cooperating.  Sometimes it’s like, “You think you know me?  Well, just because you’re the one at the computer coming up with this crap doesn’t mean you know what I’m going to say and do.”  And it’s true!  Sometimes I’ll be clipping along in a story and BAM!  I’m completely sidelined by a comment or a reaction from a character.  When I start the story I obviously sketch out histories and goals and motivations; these end up being parameters for the character.  For example, in These are the Days, Caleb is extremely motivated to be honest about everything.  It’s one of the things he values the most.  So when it comes to dating Tyler, who hasn’t come out yet and is actually “in a relationship” with one of Caleb’s female friends, it causes Caleb a considerable amount of stress.  It would never be in Caleb’s character to turn a blind eye to something he thought was deceitful.  Honesty is a boundary Caleb won’t cross.  So, I set the boundaries but as I get to know the characters in the first and second and all the way through to the final drafts, they characters themselves fill in the space between the boundaries.  It’s how I work.

In planning those boundaries, I go back to something really simple.  It’s about the only thing I ever learned by heart from my attempts at playing Dungeons and Dragons.  Character alignment. 

I like this image because it gives fictional examples as well as real life examples as it describes one of the nine basic alignments as seen through Dungeons and Dragons.  There are other ways of doing this, identifying character traits, beliefs, and motivations which ultimately lead to the character’s position on the “good vs. evil” spectrum.  You can even go so far as to tap into psychological theories like Bowen’s Family System’s Theory to understand the fictional people you’re creating or even the very real people in your life—not so that you can pigeon hole them but so that you know how to both approach them and protect yourself.  Basically, so you know to get along with them. 

I think the most important thing to remember, though, is that charts like this are objective.  Hitler wouldn’t describe himself as “evil.”  Gandhi wouldn’t describe himself as “good.”  These are external estimations applied to an individual.  Again, if you really want to understand a person’s morality, you need to talk to them and listen to their story. 

Here’s another way to look at it.  When you study ethics, you will learn that an individual who behaves in what appears to be the most unethical way may actually be a very ethical person.  Ethics is the branch of philosophy that involves systematizing, defending, and recommending concepts of right and wrong.  Going back to Hitler, most of the world would agree that he was immoral or even amoral, his actions unethical.  To Hitler, he had systematized and was obviously able to defend his beliefs and actions, thus creating them, in his mind and in the minds of his followers, as perfectly ethical.  It goes back to the same truth:  In order to understand a person, you have to hear their story.  We don’t do this anymore in our world.  It’s just easier to dismiss people with whom we disagree or who we need to be enemies as “evil.” 

And that brings me back to where I started.  Maybe by setting up my young adult fiction according to the simplified formula of “hero vs. anti-hero” I’m contributing to a mentality that is crippling our society.  It makes for nice, clean story telling that doesn’t drag out with loads of exposition to reveal internal dialogues and motives.  There’s a challenge here I need to explore more.  It’s something I’ve done in other writing but it is a more complex way of writing.

But maybe that’s the ultimate lesson in this.  Maybe I’m underestimating the intelligence of my readers. 

The bottom line is this:  It’s easy to say, particularly in our present election cycle, that this candidate or that party is the physical embodiment of evil.  I may not always agree with certain politicians, religious leaders, high profile actors, etc., but I don’t think any of them are “evil.”  I might think of them as uninformed and ignorant, their ideas and positions as aberrant and abhorrent, and their policies as regressive but I don’t think any of them are actually evil.  This means I have to take the time to understand them, why they say the things they say and why they do the things they do. 

I’m pretty sure I’m a better person for the effort.  

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500 Word Friday: Gay Bad Guys?

I was just looking at some writing prompts.  I subscribe to a number of writing blogs on tumblr and a few of them occasionally list writing prompts.  I haven't ever really used a writing prompt; I find more than enough content to write about on a daily basis for the blog just by scanning social media.

When I saw this writing prompt, though, it made me stop and think.  The prompt?  “It’s perfectly fine to make your antagonist gay.”  In other words, bad guys can be gay, too.

At first I thought that this was a legitimate point.  Statistically speaking a segment of the world’s most villainous leaders have been LGBT.  Why wouldn’t I consider making a character who “kicks  puppies and steals candy from children and is the most despicable person on the face of the earth and is gay?”  Then I realized the sad truth.  When I write LGBT fiction I always make characters who happen to be gay and are heroes because the world vilifies LGBT people enough on its own.  For me, at least right now in my writing journey, I want to write characters with whom LGBT people identify  and that means characters struggling to come out or characters who are LGBT and being vilified by segments of the community in which they live.

Last night I was made aware of a member of the Minnesota State House of Representatives by the name of Glenn Gruenhagen.  I blogged about him last night. In his ignorance and in an attempt to sound informed, Mr. Gruenhagen has introduced legislation he claims is based on the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual in an attempt to legally label LGBT people as “mentally ill” and “in need of treatment.”  With people like this trying to continually and consistently victimize and vilify the LGBT community, why would I ever consider writing a character that is an antagonist when members of the LGBT community, particularly youth, know who the real villains  in the real world are.

That being said, I wonder if I’m not being disingenuous by rejecting the idea out of hand and making all of my antagonists non-LGBT.  I mean, I’m acutely aware of how segments of the LGBT community emphasize a false dichotomy.  It’s not always us (LGBT) against them (non-LGBT),  The world isn’t black and white.  I think we need to be careful about who we consistently define as antagonists.  After all, there are degrees of “bad.”

I don’t know.  As I finish my current book, I’ve already begun scribbling down ideas for the next one and pulling out some research and old short stories.  I might have to think more about this idea, though.

What do you think?  Does the world need to be introduced to some bad guys/gals who happen to be gay?

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The Hidden Truth Behind Me, Queen Elizabeth, Barack Obama, and the Aliens

We’re going to have some fun today.

So, I’ve been doing this blogging thing for about three months.  I started my Twitter account the same day I launched my blog.  I did these things because I wanted a way I could connect with readers and build an audience for my book.  But I’ve ended up being surprised at how the blog has really become a creature of in its own right. 

I’ve been kind of bummed lately, however, because my numbers on both my blog and my Twitter account seemed to have leveled off.  Last night I realized why.  Because Troy Comets isn’t a real person and I write pseudonymously, I don’t bring a natural audience and network to my blog and social media.  I don’t have friends and family and colleagues signing up, right out of the gate, to read my stuff or to share it.  What I’ve built on my blog and through Twitter was built in a vacuum.  Those of you who read my blog are people who found me on your own.  I think that means something.  My family would be….well, they would be shocked to read the stuff I share with you….but they would be obligated to read and share my stuff.  You guys aren’t.  But yet you do.  That means something to me.

As part of learning to do this blogging thing, I follow some different experts on social media.  One of those experts is Yann Girard (@girard_yann).  I won’t get into all of the reasons why I follow Yann, but recently I read an article he wrote on “Why No One Reads Your Stuff.”  In the article, Yann lists some do’s and don’ts…and some of the do’s are actually don’ts.  With absolutely no offense intended to Yann, who makes many valid points in his writing and shares numerous inspirational thoughts, I thought I would have some fun with some of his points.  So based off of the ideas Yann lists that work for him….

Idea Number One:  Post Pictures of Naked Women

Just to be clear, Yann states he’s never tried it but encourages readers to try it if they want.  The idea is that so many people include graphics, pics, etc., that you need something to stand out.  I hope Yann doesn’t mind that I subbed a guy for a woman, though. 

Idea Number Two:  Screw Everybody Else

The idea here is that it takes a lot of time and effort to read other people’s blogs.  Yann’s suggestion is to stop reading other people’s stuff and focus on making your own writing better, devoting that now “freed up time” to your own projects.  So, as soon as I’m done writing this post, I’ll be unfollowing Yann.  That will free up A LOT of time.  The guy’s writing is profuse!

Idea Number Three:  Insult People

You jerks!

Just kidding.  What Yann means here, I think, is to not be afraid to write things that show your knowledge and opinions.  Don’t worry about offending people.  Well, I think I got that down with my posts about Easter and my posts about lazy, ignorant Christians. 

Idea Number Four:  Don’t Add People

I think this is reverse psychology.  Yann clearly says “don’t do it” and then explains that he does do it for the obvious reason of creating an audience.  I’m not comfortable doing that.  I follow people who inspire me or have something to share with me to improve my life.  I don’t want to use people to generate an audience or balloon any artificial indicators of success.  I blogged a bit about that here.

Idea Number Five:  Screw Analytics

I feel like I already talked about this with idea number four.  Success for me isn’t knowing how many people are reading or even finishing the things I post.  Success for me is planting a seed and being okay with the fact that I’ll probably never know if that seed germinates and grows.

I write not to become famous.  I blog not to stroke my ego.  I do these things because they’re in me and I will explode from the pressure of my thoughts and stories if I don’t get them out.  It’s therapy.  It’s catharsis.  I’m just…either really selfish or really brilliant for dragging you along for the ride.

Idea Number Six:  Not More than Two Lines

Supposedly I need to learn to hook readers right away, in those first two lines.  I kind of see that.  But I also know that the best part of a good song doesn’t show up in the first ten seconds.  Hell, the best part of some larger, classical orchestrations doesn’t even show up in the first two movements.  So, this is what I propose:  I’ll write and share what I write.  You skim it/read it and if you find it helpful, hooray!  If you find it useless, stop reading it and move on.  Deal?

Idea Number Seven:  List Posts to Die For

Yann suggests here to arrange post listings, which are title to draw interest, in such a way that people can’t help but to keep clicking.  That’s why I titled this post what I did.  It got your attention, didn’t it?

Idea Number Eight:  Don’t Read

Since I’m supposed to be working on becoming a better writer I should be writing and not reading.  I’m not so sure about that.  Realize that I’m an academic with a buttload of graduate work under my belt.  I feel like if I’m going to write I want to be informed and I want to inform.  I’m not wasting my time or yours by just….writing.  Don’t get me wrong; I’ll share my opinions.  God knows I have enough of them.  But the world has enough people shooting off their ignorant nonsense without me adding to the choir of the ignorati. 

Idea Number Nine:  Reinvention

I’ll be honest.  I’m struggling with this one right now.  The idea here is that if you write every day you’ll eventually run out of things to say.  I’m not short on things to say but I’m afraid my blog is going to become too narrow in its focus and content.  It’s kind of why I’m doing this post today.  What do you think I should blog about?  Leave a comment.  I’m serious.  I want to know.

Idea Number Ten:  Write Bad Stuff

Hrm….

Post for March 28, 2016.  CHECK!

Well, that was easy.

Idea Number Eleven:  Writing Rules

First rule of writing club?  There are no rules for writing club.  And I think this is Yann’s point throughout his article and something I try to talk about on a regular basis.  I can tell you what works for me, today, in my writing, in my life, in whatever.  But I’m not going to make these hard and fast rules for anyone including myself.  Life has taught me in rather harsh ways that I need to be more pragmatic.  So, if there’s one piece of advice….okay, well, two pieces of advice I could offer you it’s this:

1.      Go with it.  Learn from what comes to you.  Make the best decision you possibly can with the information available to you and live into that decision knowing it was the best you could have done and that life will give you chances to change directions when you need to.

2.     Go and watch this music video.  It’s old but it’s still brilliant.

Thanks, Yann, for (hopefully) being okay with me doing this.  But, then again, if you’re following your own suggestions, like number two, you’re not going to read this anyway so I should be golden. 

And thank you, dear reader, for letting me be goofy on this Easter Monday morning.

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Easter and Ignorance

Okay.

I’ve debated long enough on this topic and I’ve decided to write about it.  I went back and forth on it not because I didn’t feel competent and comfortable writing on the topic.  If anything I’m too comfortable and competent to write on it.  I was hesitant because I try very hard not to focus on religion in my blogging because religion has hurt too many LGBTQ people, including myself,  and I don’t want to keep rubbing salt in the wounds. 

I also didn’t want to “tip my hand” and maybe show too much non-Troy Comets knowledge through my Troy Comets activity.  What I mean is this:  Troy Comets has never disclosed what he does off of the internet or what the person behind Troy Comets has actually studied.  I’ve hinted that if you look at my writing you can probably figure out what I’ve studied and how much time I’ve spent in those studies.  After reading this post you may have a more complete idea.  I’m not 100% certain that’s a good thing…but I’m 100% certain it’s not all a bad thing either.

But, here’s the thing.

1.     Trying to avoid talking about religion because of the pain it has caused us isn’t going to make that pain go away.  Maybe I’m wrong to avoid the topic the way I do.  Maybe I should acknowledge religion’s role in the oppression of the LGBTQ community more.  Maybe I should acknowledge our pain—my pain—more in my writing.  Maybe it could be more a part of the healing process than I’ve previously imagined it could be.  All I know is that I don’t want this blog to become “Troy Comets’ Ongoing Commentary about How Messed Up the Church Is.”  Though I know there’s MORE THAN ENOUGH to talk about there, there’s more for us, LGBTQ and non-LGBTQ people alike, to worry about and talk about.

2.     Sometimes I can’t turn off the things I know.  It would be nice.  Believe me.  Sometimes I can’t think of anything that would bring me more peace than to forget half the things I know.  But, as I write this, it’s Holy Saturday.  Tomorrow is Easter.  We’re ending Holy Week….and, as a Christian person of faith, religion is all around me right now and I can’t escape it.  Add to that the fact that I’ve wasted an hour and a half of my life today by watching Tyler Perry’s “The Passion Live” and I’m more than a little angry about how ignorant the Church is about its own heritage and its own story.

I just tweeted a comment that to understand the Passion of Jesus, the whole story that’s told between what is usually referred to as “The Triumphal Entry” (Palm Sunday) through the Last Supper, the trial and execution, and ends with the Resurrection—to understand any of this, a person needs to understand politics in first century Palestine.  Let me explain why.

The Jewish leaders get a bad rap in traditional Christianity.  As they’re portrayed in biblical interpretations throughout history they are the antagonists to our hero, Jesus.  They try to shut him down.  They want to argue with them.  They appear clueless and obstinate.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The fact of the matter is that these were faithful men of God.  They were not only adhering to the interpretation of Hebrew Scriptures that had been handed down to them but they were also trying to protect their people. 

Judea, where the bulk of Jesus’ ministry takes place in the four biblical Gospels, was an occupied territory.  Since its fall in “Old Testament Times” it had changed ownership a number of times.  It was prime real estate.  You couldn’t travel anywhere in the region without moving through Israel and Judea.  At the time of Jesus, it’s Rome that holds the deed to Judea and Rome wasn’t known for its kind and gentle ways when it came to occupation.

Within living memory of most of the elders of the Jewish people at the time of Jesus there was at least one revolt that was stamped out tragically by Rome.  What the leaders understood was that there was going to be no uprising as long as Rome was a factor.  There would be no independence until God’s anointed appeared, the “messiah” or “Christ,” who would lead God’s chosen people back to their chosen status in the world.

So when Jesus, who overtly and tacitly claims to be this messiah, begins to amass a following, who challenges the status quo, who attracts people like Judas the Zealot to his cause—when the leadership begins to see this, it makes them worried.  They see the makings of another revolt and, remembering the last revolt and how Rome dealt with it, they begin planning ways to get Jesus out of the picture before it’s too late.  Why do you think one of the charges the Jewish leaders argue in front of their Roman rulers is, “He’s no friend of Caesar’s?”  He’s a traitor and you need to deal with him.

So, of course, he’s dealt with.  There’s a trial in which Pontius Pilate famously gives the people a choice between two prisoners—Jesus or Barabbas.  Never mind the fact that no such tradition even existed.  Our English Bibles tell us that Barabbas was a criminal/murderer.  The actual word in Greek which describes him is “zealot.”  Like Judas, Barabbas was a freedom fighter.  He was a patriot.  He probably would have been considered a “terrorist” by today’s standards.  Which would you choose if you were under occupation?  Someone who just a few days ago came to town with under the auspices of being the messiah who would kick Rome out but the most he could do was throw a tantrum in the Temple?  Or the guy with the proven track record of undermining the occupational forces?  The gospel author is making a point here—not giving us a history lesson. 

If you watched “The Passion Live” on FOX you might remember Tyler Perry’s explanation of what crucifixion was like and then what was done with the body.  According to Tyler Perry’s script, Jesus was buried in a tomb which was sealed with a boulder and guarded by Roman soldiers—all under Pilate’s orders.  Of course nothing like it happened.  The earliest Gospel we have is Mark.  Mark tells us that it was the day of preparation.  We already know it’s late in the afternoon so the pressure’s on under Jewish religious law to get things done before Sabbath begins.  Joseph of Arimathea, who is identified as a Jewish leader, comes to Pilate and asks for the body.  Pilate gives it to him and Joseph of Arimathea quickly buries Jesus in Joseph’s own tomb.  It really was a “hurry up and get it done” affair.  Sabbath was hours and minutes away.  This is why later in the story the women return on the first day of the week (Sunday) to do the burial rituals after Sabbath. 

What Tyler Perry’s scriptwriter and the majority of Christians fail to understand here is the process of developing what Christian theologians call “a high Christology.”  What this means is that years and years after the fact, followers of “The Way” (which is what this sect of Judaism was initially called) struggled to make the story of Jesus flow out of the story of God as recorded in the Hebrew Scriptures.  We see the beginnings of the development of this Christology in Mark, with its use of the terms “Christ” and “Son of God.”  Mark, remember, was written about 35 years after Jesus’ death.  But this Christology advances again by the time Matthew and Luke are written, roughly 20 years after Mark.  Matthew and Luke begin to answer questions that the earliest Christian community started asking.  Questions like “Where did Jesus come from?”  In reply, Matthew and Luke give detailed birth narratives.  They also address the arguments of skeptics.  “Maybe Jesus wasn’t really dead.”  This is why in Matthew one of the Roman soldiers impales Jesus’ through the side with the spear.  “Maybe someone stole Jesus’ body and created the whole resurrection story.”  Again, this is why Matthew has Pilate setting guards on the tomb. 

But Christians have done  exactly what Tyler Perry’s scriptwriters have done throughout history.  We don’t pay attention to what is written or ask why it’s written the way it is.  Instead, we harmonize the stories and stupidly recite them during the most holy times in our religious calendar.  Like Christmas.  All of a sudden we have Mary and Joseph having a child in a barn (because there’s a feed trough being used) and we simultaneously have angels (which, by the way, are messengers from God and not divine beings with wings.  The whole angelic cult is developed later.) and wise men from the East showing up all at the same time.  Never mind the fact that the wisemen (of an undesignated number, by the way.  Scripture never tells us three beyond three gifts which are symbolic in their own right) show up YEARS after Jesus’ birth.

This is what makes me so freaking angry about my fellow adherents to the Christian faith:  Too many people are comfortable in their ignorance, blindly accepting the watered down, dumbed down, Christian message that generations of preachers and pastors and priests have massaged to diminish its power and “teeth.”  Again, for an example, I turn to “The Passion Live” in which the song performed to capture the spirit of this “triumphal entry” into Jerusalem is “Love can Move Mountains” by Celine Dion.  The triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem was not “lovey dovey, love conquers all” nonsense.  It was a protest.  It was desperation.  The crowd was shouting “Hosanna!”  Hoshi’ana!  “SAVE US!”  People were flocking to the person who was supposed to be their liberator crying out in pain and anguish! 

How many congregations capture that spirit in their annual Palm Sunday parades of palm waving and Sunday School children singing?

But this is the issue:  All of these biblically conservative Christians who, like the people they vilify in the gospel stories, may mean well.  But unlike the people they treat as antagonists in the Jesus story, they are completely oblivious to what it is they’re reading, where it came from, and how it’s been transmitted.

And it drives me nuts.

This brings me back to “The Passion Live” once again.  This feel good, for club members only, overly produced, poorly researched and written spectacular dumbed the story down still further and didn’t pause to consider the full implication of the music they chose to accentuate the story.

For example.  Trisha Yearwood as Mary singing “In the end only kindness matters.”  Really?  See, the biblical message claims that in the end it’s the love of God that matters.  Or Jencarlos Canela  as Jeuss singing “I won’t give up if you don’t give up.”  Really?  The commitment of Jesus Christ is dependent on my commitment?  Then we’re all screwed because, newsflash, human beings are fickle creatures incapable of commitment.  That’s why the biblical message highlights God’s commitment to humanity trumping humanity’s commitment to God.

What’s worse than picking songs with bad theology?  Picking songs that capture good theology and thinking that the people singing the song will embody the meaning of the song.  I’m referring to the song used by “The Passion Live” at the climax of the performance:  Unconditionally  

Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are all worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through this storm I would
I'll do it because I love you, I love you

This!  This is the message that so many people, so many people in so many subsets of our society, not just the LGBTQ community--but SO MANY PEOPLE need to hear.  It's the message of the story of God told through the pages of the Christian Bible.  It's the power behind the Hebrew word chessed and the Greek word agape.  It's unconditional love--it's love poured out without qualification, without prerequisite, without the receiver moving himself or herself to a place in which they might "fit in better" or "conform more appropriately" the beliefs and behaviors of any particularly community that holds power and domination.  It's a love that says, "You.  Just as you are.  You are special.  You are loved.  Just the way you are."

The Church will join Jencarlos Canela. It will sing this song, add it to its repertoire of “contemporary hymns” and then it will turn around and, as a rule, insist gay people should be straight, people in poverty should pull themselves up by the bootstraps, that women should be obedient to their husbands…..you get the idea.

Which makes me wonder how Katy Perry feels about the Church coopting her song.

Look, I get it.  The Church, like every other human institution whether religious or secular, is flawed.  It’s broken.  It’s far from perfect.  That’s what happens when human beings enter the picture and try to take something as powerful as a movement like civil rights or Christianity and make it a system.  It’s going to lose momentum, power, and even sight of its mission and purpose.  That doesn’t mean we can use that as an excuse.  That doesn’t mean we can ignore the damage we’ve done and continue to do.  That doesn’t mean we forgive our own blatant ignorance and hypocrisy when we sing songs like “Unconditionally” but turn around and tell people to “give up your sinful ways and be something you can’t possibly be and then God will love you.”

The reason I’m rethinking my approach to religion and the Church, at least for this post, is that it’s Easter in the Western Church.  It’s the season of resurrection, renewal, and hope.  Traditionally and historically it’s understood as a moment of profound change where God alters the rules and breaks down barriers that seem unbreakable.  It’s a season of forgiveness.  It’s a celebration of how far God is willing to go to demonstrate God’s love. 

For people reading this who are solidly inside the Church, maybe the barrier that God is breaking down is the barrier that keeps you from exploring and even challenging the theology that has been handed to you.

For people reading this who are outside of the Church because it is where you have been placed by people within the Church or where you have placed yourself for your own protection and self-preservation, maybe the renewal that God is offering you is the renewal of God’s promise of unconditional love—whether the institutional Church is willing to offer it to you or not.  If it’s one thing that has been made abundantly clear:  God does not need the participation or approval of faith institutions to love God’s children. 

For people reading this for whom faith is not a part of your life, I hope I haven’t offended or bored you.  Thank you for giving me the space to share these thoughts.

As always, feel free to share these thoughts forward.

Follow me on Twitter @TroyComets 

Stranger in My Own Skin

American Idol jumped the shark a number of seasons ago.  It’s not surprising; what goes up must come down.  This is their final season.  For fifteen years this show has entertained us, made us angry, made us wonder why in the world certain people were invited to be judges (Kara Dioguardi?  Nicki MInaj?)

I wasn’t planning on watching this season.  I haven’t been able to enjoy the show since they stopped invited big industry names to be mentors and forcing contestants to perform a variety of different genres and styles.  I like my music to sound unique; I like to connect with an artist.  What I’ve heard from the past few seasons was a contest to identify the next manufacturer of the same mass produced sound that dominates the music industry in the United States.  It didn’t help that the weekly rotation of successful artists was replaced by an industry producer skilled at looking for “that marketable sound.”

But I have been watching the final season.  My family has fond memories of watching the show when it was in its prime and I was hoping to recapture some of those warm fuzzies we experienced years ago.  I’m glad that I have been watching because there have been a couple of legitimate artists this season who are able to and insist on doing their own thing despite what the judges and producers advise them to do. 

I think the real reason I’ve been glad to be a part of the audience the past couple of weeks is because of the realism a couple of the artists have demonstrated in telling their stories.  Of particular interest to me has been the introduction of the subject of mental health through Dalton Rapattoni, the blue eyed, platinum haired, eye-liner wearing artist who won his “golden ticket” to Hollywood by contemporizing “The Phantom of the Opera” in his audition.

It started last week, with episode 19.  In the package leading up to Dalton’s performance, we heard the beginning of a conversation Dalton has with us about having difficulties “being comfortable in my own skin.”  In the package we’re introduced to Dalton’s mother, Kiva, who talks about Dalton as a child, how he experienced severe highs and lows.  Dalton continues to talk about how, when he would feel emotions, they would be 1000 times as powerful as how he saw other people experiencing them.  He began talking about a really bad breakdown he was having in the driveway when his mother’s voice comes back in and says, “He was screaming and crying and saying ‘I just want to die.’” 

Dalton shares with us that at age nine he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  He explains that even though he began receiving treatment he still struggled with the severe emotions he felt and the fact that he had no way to express them.  Finally, through the gift of guitar lessons from his grandmother, Dalton discovered music, which he says “changed my life. “

Dalton then went on to perform a song I’ve never liked:  “The Sound of Silence.”  Yeah.  He changed my mind about that song. 

Fast forward seven days.

Last night Dalton made it into the top four, which I think ended up being a gift to America.  if he hadn’t made it, we never would have heard more of his story, see him relate to Sia, who was the big star working with the contestants and who also struggles with Bipolar Disorder, or heard the killer performance he gave.  Dalton covered Sia’s “Bird Set Free.”  He barely made it through; the power of the lyrics were overwhelming and, knowing Dalton’s story, I found myself hearing the song in a completely different way.

And then, of course, came the judge’s feedback.  Jennifer Lopez started by saying, “You know….everybody is cheering for your bravery.  It’s what we all want to do.  We all want to let go.  We all want to feel good in our own skin.  We all want a moment where we can release and we can just be ourselves and find ourselves.”

I don’t think Jennifer Lopez was done talking before I had taken to Twitter to offer my gratitude to Dalton for that bravery, for his courage to be honest about his story and talk about these painful memories and ongoing struggles in front of a population that refuses to engage in a legitimate conversation about mental health care.  And I’m not just talking about things like awareness of things like Bipolar Disorder or Depression or Anxiety (which I’ve written about before as this is the primary issue I struggle with).  I’m talking about how Dalton began this conversation two weeks ago with his statement about struggling to be “comfortable in my own skin” and having the conversation continue with Jennifer Lopez speaking for many of by saying, “We all want to feel good in our own skin.”

I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin and I imagine for a significant number of you who are reading this it’s the same.  For us, who are LGBTQ (and I’m not including Dalton into that population because I have no idea how he identifies and that’s really not the point here)—but for those of us who are LGBTQ and struggle to make peace within ourselves and with the people around us because of an identity we can’t change, we really don’t feel comfortable in our own skin.  Either by a series of choices we make or by a limiting of choices that are provided to us, we end up wearing a skin that is not our own.  It’s a skin that the people around us—in our homes, in our schools, in our churches, in our places of employment—it’s a skin that everyone else accepts.  It’s also a skin that slowly suffocates those of us who wear it. 

Again, I’m not talking about Dalton here.  I’m using his story and his struggle as a starting point for a similar story and struggle too many LGBTQ people struggle with because, as a society, we are still a long ways away from accepting people for who they are and how they are made.  We have absolutely no idea, as a whole, how to support people in their challenges as the discovery who they are and how to overcome the things inside of themselves that threaten to consume them:  Loneliness, depression, isolation, confusion, anger, fear….

And why wouldn’t LGBTQ people be suffocating in a skin that isn’t theirs when we have politicians passing laws that strip LGBTQ people of their humanity?  How many teens and young adults in North Carolina are resolving today to not be themselves after the North Carolina legislature not only passes a law excluding LGBTQ people from discriminatory practices but forbids local governments from passing ordinances that would protect LGBTQ people?  Think about it:  Now not only do LGBTQ youth in North Carolina have to worry about whether their family and friends will accept or reject them but there is nothing in place to protect them from systematic rejection of society based on who they are. 

Look, I know the LGBTQ issue wasn’t even on Dalton’s radar when he started sharing his story last week.  But this is what happens when we start sharing stories.  We discover we’re more alike than different.  Many of us fight the same demons.  The demons might come from different places, come in different shapes, and have different levels of power over each of us as individuals, but when it gets down to it, Jennifer Lopez hits the nail on the head:  “We all want to feel good in our own skin.”

And this is why I’m so grateful to Dalton Rapattoni for having the courage to share his story in such an honest and powerful way.  Each time someone can share their struggle in a way that it touches something inside so many others and draws attention to a common thread that runs through the lives of so many people, the conversation about that thread gets easier.  It’s what history tells us.  Look at suffrage.  Look at civil rights.  Look at marriage equality.  The more we hear stories and grow to understand the pain behind those stories, the more we identify with the people telling the stories because we can see ourselves in their story. 

I definitely see myself in Dalton’s story.  The details are different.  It’s not Bipolar that I struggle with.  Music is not how I express myself (for which the American public should be eternally grateful).  But I know exactly what he means about not being comfortable in my own skin.  And thanks to Dalton’s willingness to share part of his story about this feeling of being an alien in your own body, I feel a bit more comfortable sharing part of my story about the same feeling. 

We need to come to a place where we’re comfortable sharing our stories, especially the painful ones, dear reader.  It’s the only way things are ever going to change.  

Post Script

I'm adding this comment about an hour after publishing the original post.  I was conflicted:  Should I add this comment and link to this post or should I do another one?  In the end I decided to add it.

If you want to see someone who's learned to be comfortable in her skin, I suggest you check out Jordan Gray (@TallDarkFriend), who is a contestant on The Voice UK this season.  This is another inspirational story with a POWERFUL performance

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Lightworkers and Making It Through

I need to tell you about my cousin, Joanna. 

So I’m really good with people.  It’s equal parts education and intuition, I think.  I spend a lot of time watching people and I’ve spent a lot of time working with people.  It doesn’t take me long to figure a person out.  It comes with my background and training.  People talk to me or I listen to people and things just click into place, giving me an insight into the person’s goals, interests, fears, and challenges. 

For example.  If you tell me that you have a difficult time having a relationship because you exhaust yourself and neglect yourself for the energy you invest in the relationship, I can tell you that you haven’t had people to connect with in the past and you’re so desperate not to repeat a pattern of broken connections that you put everything into your relationships.  You are driven to connection but by the time you’ve poured all you have to pour into a relationship in order to secure that relationship you’ve burned yourself out.  (This is just an example from a conversation I recently had.  It’s not a universal truth.)

It’s easy for me, given some time, to figure people out. 

My cousin, Joanna?  It takes her absolutely no time to figure a person out.  She is so good at intuiting people, their motivations, their fears, their emotions, that it makes a lot of people uneasy.  She’s so good at this she’s developed this shtick in which she “reads palms.”  She’ll hold your hand, point at the different lines, tell you the names of the lines and what they all mean, and then she’ll completely ignore your hand and tell you everything about yourself.  I’ve seen her do it hundreds of times and it’s fascinating. 

It’s not always received well.  Once people know she does “this palm reading thing” they’ll race up to her, holding out their hands.  Once people see how accurate she is in her observations, people’s hands start disappearing into their pockets.  I have family members who actually stay on the opposite side of any room Joanna’s in for fear that she’ll see their secrets and truths in their eyes.

My cousin Joanna is unconventional.  She’s a free spirit.  She’s a seeker.  She’s deeply spiritual but challenges a lot of ideas about traditional religion.  I’ve learned a lot from her—about people, about myself, about faith and spirituality. 

I’ve held onto something Joanna taught me a few years ago.  It was such a brilliant way of explaining and describing something I see in certain people and how these people affect the world around them.  She taught me the concept of a lightworker.

One of the reasons I held onto this information the way I have is that nearly every approach I take to explaining how people react to and interact with the world around them is based in traditional Christianity.  I use Christian terminology to explain, in Christian terms, how God works through people to improve the word, specifically in providing care for the least and the lowest.  This works great if it’s Christian people of faith I’m speaking with, but as regular readers of my blog may have figured out by now, I have a particular interest in reaching out to the people the Church has hurt in some way.  Who wants to hear about how God works through people when the people who should be God’s hands and voice in the world are the very people who have rejected you, called you names, and stripped you of your humanity for simply not conforming to their expectations?

So I’ve held onto this idea of lightworkers.  I’ve used the term before with people.  The trick of it, for me, is that I’m abandoning Christian terminology and concepts for the language and metaphor of another religion…and that doesn’t make me feel comfortable either.  My discomfort isn’t that I think Christianity is right and the other religion is wrong.  My discomfort comes from the fact that I’m not a part of the faith tradition that speaks of lightworkers.  I don’t want to be one of those people who picks over other religions, philosophies, and cultures for “the good stuff” and then, in my arrogance and ignorance, misrepresent the thing I’ve stolen.  I also never want to speak for a group or culture to which I don’t belong.

But I find myself using this term more and more because I think it accurately represents a phenomenon that can be seen in people regardless of faith tradition.  So as I talk about lightworkers, I hope that I do so respectfully and accurately.

What exactly is a lightworker?  One resource suggests the following:

Lightworkers are souls who carry the strong inner desire to spread Light – knowledge, freedom and self-love – on earth. They sense this as their mission. They are often attracted to spirituality and to therapeutic work of some kind.

Because of their deeply felt mission, lightworkers often feel different from other people. By experiencing different kinds of obstacles on their way, life provokes them to find their own unique path. Lightworkers are nearly always solitary individuals, not fitting into fixed societal structures.

I think this description might be a bit conservative compared to others I’ve seen in that the individual actually may not realize how spiritual they are or recognize how their work (light) actually affects the people around them.  I do think it’s universal that these individuals are “helpers” in some way.  It may not be some sort of therapeutic or healing job in which they work but somewhere along the way they engage in healing activities to help people around them.  Healing in this case is more than just physical healing.  They are motivated to see healing in the world—healing within communities and healing within individuals. 

That’s kind of the “ground floor” explanation of lightworkers.  From there the definition and identification of traits becomes more and more spiritual.  I don’t want to go any deeper into the spiritual conversation for our purposes here mainly because I’m not qualified to speak to the deeper spirituality.  What I want to focus on is the fact that these are people who, consciously or subconsciously, reach out to the hurting people around them to ease their pain and make the world a better place.

Think about everything you know about the imagery of light.  Light is used to connote healing, knowledge, wisdom, life, and good.  It can convey grace or blessing from divine forces.  The disappearing of light can reflect fear, anxiety, cold, illness, and death.  The coming of light can convey understanding, growth, healing, and salvation from difficulty.  Light metaphors permeate our literature (“…what light through yonder window breaks?”) our music, our movies, and our religious expressions.  It’s universally known imagery within the whole of human experience even apart from a religious context—and that’s why I’m drawn to the term.

To me a lightworker is an individual who has a knack for understanding things differently, through compassionate eyes that see deeper into the humanity of struggles most politicians and religious leaders choose to over-simplify.  With that unique understanding comes the ability to connect with people to pass the light which is within them along to others. 

I believe lightworkers are able to make these connections through common struggles and pains.  I think that’s why, within the context of the LGBTQ community and relationships/friendships, it’s through the recognition of common struggles, themes, and pains that create the bridge for the light to pass between the lightworker to the person in need of healing.  Why do you think the “It Gets Better” campaign is so successful?  People who watch these videos and hear these stories are able to see themselves in the “expert’s” story. 

Why am I even bringing this up?  Over the past couple of weeks my blog has focused on taking control of your own story along with some serious discussions about homophobia, bullying, and suicide.  I’ve spent time taking my faith tradition to task for continuing to hold onto ignorant and superstitious interpretations and institutionalized prejudices.  Why am I suddenly talking about this concept of lightworkers?

Like all of you I’ve been watching the news.  Brussels was just attacked; another city of innocents drawn into a war of ideology and politics that the Western world created but refuses to take responsibility for.  North Carolina has legalized bigotry by passing a law that does not protect LGBTQ people from discrimination.  The state of Georgia is on the verge of signing into law a bill that would give religious officials in the state the option to refuse to perform same-sex marriage ceremonies and for tax-funded groups to deny services to gay people.  Donald Trump’s rise to power continues.  The Senate GOP refuses to do its job by calling for hearings to confirm Judge Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court.  Iran sanctions, Obama in Cuba….it all just gets to be too much.  The news is so incredibly discouraging and that just the news.  The talking heads on the 24/7 news networks have no idea of the struggles of my life or yours, the pain that doesn’t hit close to home but lives in our homes.  It’s easy to feel like the darkness is about to swallow us whole.

But one of the things I’ve noticed more and more is this:  The darker things seem to get, the more people I would consider lightworkers I seem to notice.  I guess it’s true: You can’t appreciate the power of a candle until all of the lights have gone out. 

I see a lot of candles in the darkness.

They’re all around us.  They come to us from a variety of places, usually unexpected places as the world continues to change.  They reach out to us, to reassure us and bring us healing and hope, to remind us that we matter and have value.  The tell us it will get better. 

I think the old saying still holds true.  “The world is going to hell in a handbasket.”  But that’s nothing new.  Humanity has been visiting pain and suffering onto itself since we learned to walk on two legs and make fire.  But more than that and much more importantly than that:  We are able to do so much more good.  Sometimes I wonder how our public mood would change if 24/7 news networks would start reporting light-related stories rather than the headlines that have traditionally made them money—headlines of murder, terror, and fear.

So, look around you.  I guarantee that no matter how dark it seems right now in your life and how overwhelmed you are by the horrible stuff that is going on in the world and in your life, there are lightworkers right there with you, ready to share their light.  I also guarantee that everyone who is reading this right now has enough light inside of themselves to reach out to the broken world around them to make life a little better for the people around them as well.  You are both worthy of the gift of hope that people will offer you and able to share that gift with others.  I promise you.

The View from Here

I was a strange child.

Well, okay.  Maybe “strange” is a bit over the topic.  Let me try a few other words. 

Unique?  Peculiar?  Unusual? 

Getting closer.  But I think all of those words still miss the reality.  Not to mention they carry with them a bit of a stigma that needs to be unpacked.

How about…creative?  Pensive?  Imaginative? 

Hrm.  Those are good adjectives that described me as a child but they still aren’t quite capturing the reality I’m trying to describe. 

Maybe because there is no easy, clean-cut way to describe people.  Or, in this case, the result of what people become because of the coping mechanisms they end up using.

Let me explain.

Today I’m having one of those “stuck on the outside, looking in” sort of days.  It’s a phrase that basically means there’s something separating you from all of the activity you want to be a part of.  Think of it like walking down a city street and passing a huge window through which you see a party going on.  Fun looking people eating great food while laughing and dancing and celebrating life in one another’s presence. 

The reality, though, is that when I say this, like many other people, I mean, “I’m trapped on the inside, looking out.”  In other words, I’m stuck inside myself and the reality I experience, longing to be a part of the world I see around me.  This isn’t a new phenomenon for me.  A lot of LGBTQ people feel this way, especially when they are literally trapped inside of themselves for fear of revealing who they truly are. 

Some of you might recognize this experience.  Growing up, particularly in my teenage years, school was not a pleasant experience.  It wasn’t that the academic work was difficult; I would have had straight A’s if I would have decided that was what I wanted.  What made it difficult was watching the people around me and, in many cases, wanting to be involved in what they were doing but never daring to step up and be involved.  I was awkward and inept, like all teenagers, I suppose.  But the big thing that kept me from coming out of my shell was fear of simply coming out.  How would I dare try to hang out with one of the guys that simply radiated cool when it wasn’t his charisma that attracted me to him but how incredibly attractive he was?  Sandy brown hair, bright green eyes flecked with gold, not a zit in sight, and (don’t you dare laugh) a permed mullet that was so damn sexy back in the day.  Not to mention his sense of humor, his quick wit, his athletic body….

….you get the idea.

Like I said, some of you will recognize the experience.  And you’ll also recognize the fear that grips you in these situations because you’re so worried about being “too interested” in something he or she does or says.  What if I laugh too hard?  What if I ask the wrong question?  What if I just say the wrong thing and he figures out who I actually am and what I actually see when I look at him?

When those are your fears, when you live with the anxiety of being discovered and outed, it just becomes easier to withdraw and live inside yourself.  If you don’t interact you don’t risk interacting too much.   Sure, that means watching the world move on around you—people laughing, having fun, falling in love, having relationships—but it’s worth the occasional twinge of pain at being left behind if you can protect yourself.

Isn’t it?

I mean, look at it this way.  If the story I’m about to share would have happened today, it would have ended quite differently.  When I was in ninth grade I was the victim of what today would have been considered an assault.  Or worse.

It was in an art class.  “Back in the day” we were required to take a certain number of art classes, music classes, writing classes…the artsy classes that are only occasionally offered now as electives because there’s not enough time in the day to indoctrinate students on taking standardized tests.  These classes were mandatory in my school.  It was a large room that seemed to ramble on in every direction.  The main part of the classroom was near the door.  Large, wooden worktables with worn tabletops which had been nicked and painted and stained by generations of pubescent Picassos were our desks.  I don’t remember what the teacher was lecturing on that day or what we were actually working on but I do remember the sense of panic I experienced when one of my classmates took a wire used for slicing chunks of clay off of the larger blocks and, from behind me, wrapped it around my neck and pulled it tight.  I’m not sure how long he held the wire around my neck but I remember the laughter of his friends and the pain when he finally released the wire.  I don’t know where the teacher was when this happened; he never did find out about it.  Plenty of students on my side of the room saw what happened but no one ever said anything.  Probably because I never said anything.  I forced myself to laugh, as if I was in on the planning of the morning’s entertainment.  I knew that if I made an issue about it my complaint would just draw more attention and more attention was not what I wanted.

If this was the kind of thing my peers did when they only suspected I was gay, what would they do if they actually knew I was gay?  If I said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, walked the wrong way, talked the wrong way, gave someone too much attention….It was just easier (and safer) to withdraw as much as possible within myself.

I think this is how my imagination and creativity blossomed. 

I began to write in junior high school, which for me began in seventh grade.  Puberty had arrived, bringing with it a number of realizations that couldn’t be unrealized.  This is when I started pulling back within myself.  But once there, apart from the world outside, I would create worlds and scenarios.  Sometimes I would even bring the people around me from the “real world” into my imagination; if I couldn’t hang out with them in the “real world,” I could hang out with them in my fictional world where I could be the cool one that they wanted to hang around and emulate. 

So I wrote stories starring mythical versions of myself and the people who were either too cool for me to talk to or the guys I was too attracted to that I avoided lest they look into my eyes and see my soul.  Looking back at the thought of writing those stories I have to admit I’m embarrassed—but not for reasons you would think.  I’m not embarrassed because of what I turned my fear and anxiety into and how I attempted to capture the personalities and characteristics of my classmates.  It was the writing that was cringe worthy. 

I think some of the best writing, some of the best fiction, has to come from something relatable and something real.  Learning to take my struggle and turn it into a narrative in which I learned to expose my thoughts and feelings to even fictional versions of the people around me was an important lesson for me to learn.  I still do it.  In These are the Days, I’ve inserted pieces of myself and people I know into the characters.  In the new story I’m working on I’ve taken it a step further and am actually using people I knew as the rough outline of the characters in the story—and it’s working really well.

Where am I going with all this?  Well, I have two points I need to make.

The first point goes back to where I began:  I’m having a “trapped on the outside, looking in” sort of day.  It’s been….an undisclosed number of years since my high school days but old habits die hard.  There are a many people whose own paths mine has connected with in some way, whose light I find refreshing and inspiring.  Being a connection oriented person I find myself aching to learn more about these people.  This is why I hate doing “meet and greets” at concerts; the twenty minutes or so I have with the artist or artists isn’t nearly enough for me to develop that connection—especially when I have to share the artist with other people with meet and greet tickets.  So, for example, when I try to interact with people through social media and my attempts fall flat, I feel like I’m looking in through that large window at fun people having a fun time and I have no idea how to get involved. 

Still happens. 

I think it will always happen. 

So I think it’s important to remember that I’m in control of how I respond to this feeling.  If I let myself be consumed by the sights that are holding my attention through that window, I’ll become rooted to the spot.  I’ll never find a way in and I’ll just make myself feel worse and worse.  But if I choose to change my perspective, to leave that spot and turn away from those tantalizing sights, I might someday find my way “into the party.”  Or…better yet….I might find something even better to be a part of.

Remember, though, that the grass is never greener on the other side. 

The second point is this:  You aren’t alone.  I know there are people reading this who can identify with my story.  I know there are people out there who are victims not only of the ignorance and prejudice of the people around them but who are also victims of their own coping strategies, the things they do to make it through life.  Things like disengaging from the world around you because you’re too afraid that the world around you won’t accept you.  It gets better.  It really does.  And the experiences you had or are having, experiences like mine, will give you something.  They’ll give you lessons to help you be a better person.  They’ll give you motivation to become a better person.  And they may stimulate your imagination and creativity to help you help others to stimulate their imaginations while telling them that there is absolutely nothing wrong with who they are. 

Lessons Learned from Harry Potter

(This is part three of a blogging series.  Part One is here.  Part Two is here.  You don’t need to read the other two to make sense of this one but you’ll probably want to read them for your own benefit.)

I’m a huge fan of J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” novels.  I know that they appeal to my inner child, who has always been fascinated with fantasy stories.  I also know that the adult in me enjoys the complexity and word plays that Rowling uses to craft her tale.  And, like everyone, there are characters in the world of Harry Potter that absolutely call to me, whose own story I find compelling in its own right.  These our favorites and each time we visit them in the pages of those seven books we grow closer to them, identify more with them, and love them more and more.

Who is my all-time favorite Harry Potter character?  I think my answer will surprise you.

Professor Severus Snape.

Now, I will admit that my choice might be affected slightly by the stellar performance of the late Alan Rickman, particularly in the last two movies in which, like the final book, we see at last who this character is and what made him be the character he was.  The theatrical influence of the films notwithstanding, however, Rowling created an epic character skillfully, an archetypical persona rarely seen in literature anymore. 

Before I continue I want to offer a short disclaimer.  I recognize that the books are called “Harry Potter and….” and not “Professor Snape and…”  What I mean by this is that the total complexity of the life of Severus Snape, as a supporting character, isn’t going to be fleshed out as fully as Harry’s or even the characters closest to the Harry-center.  Some of my observations could easily be made different if J.K. Rowling would have had the opportunity to introduce more of Snape’s history or internal dialogue.  But, like much in life, including those things in our own individual stories, this is what we are given and so we use our knowledge and experience to make sense of these things.

In a nutshell, this is what we know about Severus Snape.  His mother was a witch, his father was a muggle.  We assume at some point in his parents’ relationship there was affection but that had pretty much disappeared by the time we glimpse them through young Severus’ eyes.  As a boy he meets and develops a deep and abiding affection for Lilly Evans despite her sister, Petunia’s, best efforts to disrupt the friendship and keep Lilly for herself.  The two eventually are accepted to Hogwarts where you know their friendship had to have been tested beyond what we see in the pages of the book.  Goody-two-shoes Lilly Evans from brave Gryffindor friends with the slimy outsider from Slytherin?  As the two grow older they grow apart because they can’t escape the strength of their convictions.  Lilly eventually gives into the pursuits of James Potter and Severus finds himself in league with the Death-Eaters…all the while still pining in the privacy of his heart for Lilly.  When Severus learns that Voldermort was planning to kill the Potters, he seeks out Dumbledore.  Dumbledore intercedes but in so doing makes a deal with Snape.  I don’t know if Severus Snape ever understood his relationship with Dumbledore in these terms, but it seems clear to me that Snape becomes Dumbledore’s protégé. 

Of course by the time Harry comes along, all of Severus’ anger over James’ “theft” of Lilly’s affections are transferred to Harry, who resembles his father so much.  Except for the eyes, of course. 

Every decision Snape makes in his treatment of Harry is supposed to make the reader question Snape’s loyalty to Dumbledore, “the cause,” and even Harry himself.  It’s not until the end of the saga that we understand that the decisions Snape makes are actually in the best interest of Dumbledore, “the cause,” and even Harry himself. They were all decisions based on Snape’s own experience and understanding.  We occasionally hear Snape complaining to Dumbledore about Harry’s arrogance and lack of talent and ability, but we never hear Snape complain, through any of the books, about his own lot in life.  This is what makes Snape my favorite character.

Think about it.  Snape’s childhood sucked.  Snape’s only childhood friend not only turns away from him but falls into the arms of Snape’s worst childhood enemy.  This childhood friend turned romantic love is murdered by the guy who had lured Snape to a cause he thought was right and just.  As time unfolds Snape needs to learn to live with the consequences of his actions—not just Lilly’s death but all the pain he has caused.  He’s never allowed the recognition he deserves lest his entire cover be blown.  For seven years he is confronted by a student who reminds him not only of the chief tormentor of his childhood but also the only love he has ever experienced. 

And not once do we ever hear Snape complain.

Snape never launches into diatribes or soliloquys about the unfairness of life, how he tries and tries and never seems to succeed, how he’s somehow owed and yet always denied the things he believes he has earned.  The only time we hear Snape complain is one scene between himself and Dumbledore in which Snape is arguing with Dumbledore about having to do the things Dumbledore expects from him but we eventually discover that this has nothing to do with Snape’s role as a double agent or the teaching job he’s always wanted—it has to do with promising to be the one to kill Dumbledore when the time is right.

I don’t know about you but I am not so gracious when it comes to dealing with the frustrations life has to offer me.  I have often found myself reviewing the events of my life, the rises and more specifically the falls in my story, and I eventually find myself raging at the wind that blows ill in my direction and into my face.  “I’ve done everything right!  I’ve always done the best I know how to do for those I love and who love me!  I always try to be a good person, follow the rules!...”

“….why am I being punished?”

How many of us, if we don’t actually breathe life into those five words by speaking them, at least think them when we struggle with life’s challenges?

Why am I being punished?

It is in our human nature to ascribe motive to people in our lives.  Psychologist refer to it as “Attribution Theory.”  In a nutshell, if we do something bad it’s because of the circumstances that are foisted upon us.  If someone else does bad, or does bad toward us, it’s because they’re simply a bad person doing bad things from bad motivations.  You see the difference?  If do we bad, we scapegoat it out.  If others do bad, it’s because they’re rotten people. 

It’s how Harry and so many other characters become so dismissive of Severus Snape in the Harry Potter books.  Snape, in their eyes, is completely incapable of making a good decision while all of our heroes constantly struggle to do what is right.  Of course not one of these characters apart from Dumbledore actually takes the time to learn Snape’s story to understand why Snape does the things he does.  Only Dumbledore resists the temptation to dismiss Snape’s motivations as corrupt. 

This translates to the larger, intangible forces in life.  When it seems that there is no actual person behind our trouble and our misery, we ascribe this thing called “life” the same wicked motives we would ascribe someone who wronged us.  Life is unfair.  It is punishing us. 

This idea is sometimes translated into religious and spiritual teachings.  I can only speak within a Christian experience but this is just another ignorant and superstitious teaching perpetuated by the institutional church designed to keep the faithful in line.  God does not punish people.  People do enough punishing of people on their own without dragging God into it. 

We are driven to make sense of our lives, to interpret the good and especially the bad.  We do this by creating a narrative of our life, by telling our story.  We’re the main character, the hero, the protagonist.  We struggle and battle.  We win and celebrate.  We lose and wonder why.  We reach peaks and we fall into valleys.  If we can’t reason out logically the events that affect us, if we can’t access the thoughts and motives of the people whose own stories intersect ours, if it’s the amorphous, ambiguous, immeasurable thing we call “life,” we do what human beings have always done.  We ascribe it motive or place it within the purview of some divine force. 

Or maybe it just happens because life sucks.

Sometimes we get so focused on reasons and actors in the telling of our story that we forget that, even in the best stories, there are always “givens” that the reader has to accept to help the story move forward.  In life the biggest given is that life sometimes just sucks.  We aren’t being judged or punished.  We aren’t being tortured.  We are alive and if we are alive it means we have to accept the “givens” of this life. 

Life sometimes just sucks.

You see, sometimes getting caught in the narrative process, trying to divine the why’s and why not’s, we become stuck in the pain and misfortune.  The “suck” of life.  Here is the one thing I’ve learned about these “givens,” these things we accept that are without rules or rationale.  They are given to us to improve us.  Whether you want to call it luck or divine intervention or just the way it is, these tragedies, challenges, struggles come to everyone and how we deal with them will tell us how we move forward in our stories.  If we allow ourselves to be victimized by events outside of our control, to become trapped in wondering why we’re “being punished,” we miss the point. 

Maybe a better approach to these givens is not waste our time divining their origins but to remake them as characters.  They come into our lives as surely as love interests, friends, or workplace competitors.  They come to make us better.

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. 

Look at Snape.