I am a writer.
Well, I'm a lot of other things but they
all lead back to writing. I'm not going to claim to be a good writer or
even a fair writer. I'll leave that judgment up to you. I do know
that it's fairly easy for me to make words bend to my will and I've always been
complimented on how well I communicate through writing.
I've been a writer, or at least a
writer-on-the-grow, since I was eleven years old. I'm now in my early
40's. Although I have assured you that I would leave the estimation of my
writing skill up to you, dear reader, I think I can safely say: I am MUCH
better than I used to be. It took me a long time to find my voice.
And I guess that's what this blog is
about: My voice. Or least an opportunity to add my voice to a
larger, ongoing conversation. You see, as I point out in my little
"about me" summary on the right, Troy Comets is not my real name.
It's a pseudonym I've adopted for the purposes of writing. (Someday
I'll tell you the story about how I came up with the name.) This name
gives me a chance to share the thoughts and the stories that live in my head.
So you're probably wondering what the big
deal is and why I would need a fake name. If you knew me (and I hope you
will get to know me) you would know how difficult the decision was to adopt a
fake name for the purposes of sharing my thoughts and my work. I am an adamant proponent of people owning
their words. Most younger readers
probably won't understand this but many older readers probably will be able to
identify all too easily. You see, dear reader, I am gay.
...wow. I have to stop for a moment
even in writing this.
It's strange to write that so plainly, so boldly, so...openly and
honestly. My heart feels like it's about to pop inside my chest for the
anxiety typing those three words.
I am gay.
It's been an extremely difficult journey
to get to the point where I can even type those three words, those six little
letters, the truth that very, VERY few people actually know in my real life.
I was born at a time and raised in a place where gay was definitely not
okay. Yes, I realize it's 2016 and older, married professionals from
every walk of life are finding ways to come out. This isn't a possibility
for me. Not now. Maybe not ever. I can hope that someday I'll
be able to say those three words without having a panic attack, but for now I
can't. This is my reality. This is my life.
The difficult thing has been, though, that
I don't want other people to struggle with the things I have been forced to
struggle with. I celebrate in my heart the equality that the LGBTQ community
has won in the past year and I look forward with great anticipation to the
accomplishments we have yet to achieve.
I thrill when I find myself drawn into those endless youtube autoplays
of coming out stories and see, for the most part, the relief that the freedom
of an identity claimed brings people.
And, to be honest, I struggle with the whole “If only I knew then what I
know how” arguments I have with myself which typically lead to bouts of
depression.
The next question you probably have for me, dear reader, is: Why now?
What has changed in my life that would cause me to make such a precarious
decision as to put myself out there with such a weak cover? Especially knowing that anyone with any technological
talent will be able to peak behind the sheer curtain and see who I really
am? There are three fundamental reasons.
First, I have finished a story and, for better or worse, I have
self-published that story. It’s the very
first story I am actually pleased with and the topic is pretty relevant, I
believe. It’s the kind of book I wish I
would have been able to read when I was growing up. That being said, it’s self-published. It’s not as fine-tuned as it should be. Every time I look at the manuscript I see
things that need to be fixed or improved.
I chose to self-publish and get the story out there because I’m
desperate to be a part of the conversation and try to make a difference. Though the final product would have been a
better product with an editor involved, I just couldn’t bring myself to taking
that big of a step and exposing myself so obviously.
Second, I have been inspired.
You see, I’m a youtube addict.
There are very few things I’ll watch on TV but I will sit and watch
youtube like there’s no tomorrow. Music,
knowledge, stories---all there ready to be discovered. For the past couple of months I’ve been drawn
into the “youtuber culture” in which talented people from all over the world
post video blogs, providing not just entertainment for the viewer but a candid
glimpse into their lives. Travis Bryant,
Zoella, Caspar Lee, Troye Sivan, and so many others—all sharing the power of
their stories, inspiring not just their generation but obviously MY generation
as well. In the interest of fair
disclosure, though, I need to tell you how very jealous I am of these brilliant
people who are changing the world. I
wish I would have had the chance to make use of technology like these people;
imagine the difference I could have made.
Imagine the person I could have become.
But that just wasn’t in the cards.
I’m okay with that because my journey, my story, gives me an insight
into issues that I think people need to be aware of.
And that leads to the third reason I’m putting myself out there
now. Recently I was sitting on the sofa,
all of these thoughts and inspirations and drives and needs colliding in my
head, and I was trying to figure out what to do. How do I share my story? What do I have to offer? I continually ran into the problem that *I*
am not in a position to offer much of anything.
BUT…Troy Comets certainly can.
Troy Comets is fairly unfettered as long as we, dear reader, can agree
to respect one another.
It's a seriously risky thing I'm doing,
you see. I realize this is the internet
and there are no secrets on the internet. I also know that,
because this is the internet, people can chose to be ignorant of certain
facts. In this case, it is my hope, dear
reader, that you will chose to be ignorant of my true identity. Troy Comets, for all intents and purposes, is
me. I simply can’t use my own name at
this time.
Well, that was a lengthier first post than I had imagined I would
write. I hope it explains what “the
point” of this blog will be and I hope that it’s caught your attention. I hope that, as we move forward together, you
will feel comfortable sharing pieces of your story with me. I hope that this blog doesn’t become a soap
box but instead serves as a launching platform for conversations. This world has enough people talking at each
other; let us agree, dear reader, to speak with each other. Let’s share our stories with each other and
the world. Let’s see if we can make a
difference.
No comments:
Post a Comment