Porn Addled Man Sues to Marry Laptop

Okay, so there’s a few good things you experience with me being a blogger instead of a vlogger.  The first is that I have a face made for printed mediums.  The second is you won’t have to see my struggle to keep a straight face when I share this story.

On July 7, 2013, Huffington Post reported on a former Tennessee Attorney who was trying to sue Apple because his Macbook was granting him unfettered access to porn.  HuffPo reports that:

Per the complaint, [Chris] Sevier’s problem began after he tried to visit “Facebook.com,” but — accidentally, he says — typed “F**kbook.com,” an adult site that “appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and led to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences.”

The complaint continues that Sevier believes Apple is hijacking “great sex” by selling non-pornproof products.

Now fast forward to two days ago.

Former attorney Chris Sevier is back in the news.  He now wants to marry his laptop.

(This is not Chris Sevier but can you believe google had an image for "marry your laptop?) 

The story is being reported in numerous outlets including Houston Press.  Mr. Sevier’s argument is an attempt to undo the hardwon progress giving LGBT people equal rights to marriage.  He is launching various lawsuits in the State of Texas to sanction the ultimate cyber hook-up.  The Houston Press Article states:

Chris Sevier has filed a lawsuit against the Harris County district clerk, Governor Greg Abbott and Attorney General Ken Paxton for denying him the right to marry his Mac because he is trying to make a pretty cruel argument. He is trying to prove that, essentially, marriage between the members of a same-sex couple can be equated to marriage between a man and a machine. He is trying to prove that, under Obergefell v. Hodges, the landmark U.S. Supreme Court case that legalized same-sex marriage, people are now allowed to do morally disgusting things like marry whomever they are attracted to, whether that be inanimate objects or members of the same gender. Essentially, he is trying to give courts an ultimatum: Agree that this is what they have done and allow him to make vows to a piece of expensive chrome, or realize that this is morally wrong and undo Obergefell.

Sevier continues by asking the question, “Should we have policies that encourage that kind of lifestyle?”

I think the bigger question is:  Shouldn’t we have better healthcare programming in place to rehabilitate a man who has clearly gone over the edge with a cyber addition and has let his laptop destroy his already tenuous hold on reality?

Ryan Anderson of the Heritage Foundation doesn’t understand what the big deal is for LGBT people to have won marriage equality either.  He doesn’t want to marry his Macbook.  Instead he thinks non-LGBT people should simply invite LGBT people into their homes, make friends with them, and convince them that they don’t need marriage.  As reported by Patheos, at an anti-abortion rally, Anderson stated with regard to marriage equality:

“There’s a universal human desire for friendship, for companionship,” he said. “We all have a need for relationships that matter. So when Thanksgiving comes around, when Christmas comes around, are you inviting a same-sex attracted colleague or friend or member of your church who isn’t married and doesn’t have a family of his or her own, are you inviting them into your family to share Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas dinner? Are you having them be big brother or big sister, godfather or godmother to your children if they’re not going to be married and have children of their own? Are there ways in which we can show that there are other forms of community that matter, that are important, that are meaningful, without having to redefine marriage?”

So, married non-LGBT people, if friendship and companionship are adequate substitutes for marriage, why did you bother getting married?

Here’s the deal, folks.  In our culture the ultimate demonstration of love, connection, and commitment to another person is marriage.  The “one man, one woman” thing has absolutely nothing to do with biblical standards of practice.  How many of our biblical heroes had not only multiple wives but also concubines?  If you want to talk about “biblical marriage,” why is there never a conversation about Solomon?  He’s biblical and had lots of marriages.  Or, on the other side of the coin, if you want to hold up the Apostle Paul’s mentality on how a church should be run, how women should behave, and that LGBT people are sinful….why don’t you hold up Paul’s opinion that you shouldn’t get married at all?

But in our society marriage is legally more than the representation of love and commitment.  This is why “church blessed marriages” weren’t enough for the LGBT community.  Under the law, married couples have certain rights, responsibilities, and benefits.  Owning property together gets easier.  Healthcare and insurance is easier.  Paying taxes is easier.  Having a say in the care of a loved one in crisis….doesn’t get easier but becomes possible. 

I wonder what Mr. Sevier’s laptop would say if Mr. Sevier ended up in a vegetative state?  “CONTROL-ALT-DELETE!” maybe?

I’m writing this mostly because I needed a laugh today.  But I’m also writing it to remind you, dear reader, of how important it is for you to be telling your story when it comes to things like marriage equality or equal access to bathrooms or recognition of your gender in school or work.  It’s your story that makes the difference in people’s lives. 

So, in a way, Mr. Anderson has the right idea—invite these people into your lives. Invite non-LGBT people into your home, into your life, and share with them why this is so important to you and to the larger community.

Stories make all the difference.